Building a New nWo with John Cena as Leader

The Firefly Funhouse Match (which was fantastic, by the way) made me think of what the New World Order would look like if John Cena did turn heel after this and reform it.

The way I imagine it is Cena leaves for a while, then comes back saying that he was wrong to believe in the future of the company and that WWE doesn't have any stars capable of carrying the company forward. It doesn't have a guy like Steve Austin or the Rock or Hulk Hogan... or John Cena.

And then he leaves.

He returns later, walking down through the crowd (just like Scott Hall on Nitro, we'll assume this happens at a time when crowds are allowed). He interrupts a match between two younger talents (it doesn't really matter who - for the sake of argument, pretend it's Aleister Black and Ricochet or something similar). He attacks both of them and then pulls out the spraypaint. He paints "nWo" on the ring and leaves. Raw ends.

The next week he comes out and says the nWo is about the biggest names in the business. It's a group for Hall of Famers: Hollywood Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Randy Savage. There aren't too many wrestlers like that anymore. But he found some. The nWo is back.

Later on in the show, the new nWo debuts, attacking most of the roster and claiming to be the only stars left in professional wrestling. Who is in that new nWo? Here is how I picture it:

Randy Orton

John Cena and Randy Orton feuded for years (and years, and YEARS) but Cena turns to him as one of the biggest stars left in wrestling. Having both of them in it signifies that this is main event stable and a heel stable. The point here is to build a stable filled with wrestlers that people want to boo.

Charlotte Flair

The biggest name in women's wrestling today and the most successful women's wrestler ever. Between Cena, Orton, and Flair, they have 16 world titles, 13 world titles, and 11 women's titles. This accents Cena's point that the nWo is only for proven stars, plus it allows for some interaction with Ric Flair who (outside of the nWo's weird WWE run in 2002) has almost always been very anti-nWo

The Miz and John Morrison

I was kind of unsure about what tag team to choose, but I settled on Miz and Morrison. They're the current Smackdown tag champions (and the brand split is meaningless to the nWo, they move back and forth between shows) and they've both won a lot of gold in WWE.  Together they've won three tag titles and many singles titles (mostly the Miz rather than Morrison, but that's okay), so they fit.

The Big Show

The Big Show will be used in mostly a non-wrestling role that is limited to providing a bridge from the old nWo to the new one and occasionally punching someone out. With Big Show involved, even on a part-time basis, we don't have to have guys like Hogan, Hall, or Nash around (though they could certainly show up sometimes, because you're nWo 4-Life).

There are no "young up and comers" in this nWo. It's not about building new stars by putting them in the nWo. The new stars will be built when they take on and eventually defeat the nWo. Unlike WCW, someone will actually defeat this nWo.

The 4th Annual Wrestling Shame Hall of Shame

Hi everyone!

Neither Rick nor I have been posting much lately. And there are a lot of reasons for that: I'm working on my own book project and teaching a lot; Rick has had to deal with his tax evasion suit and the unfortunate accusations lobbed at him.

And let me say once again, we here at the Wrestling Shame Hall of Shame do not condone his unfortunate remarks at the United Nations.

That out of the way, we are also aware that the past few months have been -- well, challenging to put it mildly. So -- as a distraction, I decided this year's Hall of Shame would focus on my expertise -- namely, World Championship Wrestling.

And folks, let the shame begin!

Shameful Booking: Hogan and Warrior, 1998

As Wrestling Shame's resident scholar in WCW / ECW Studies, I try and resist the urge to say the downfall of WCW began with the infamous ending to Starcade 1997. I've argued for awhile that what really put the company on the downward spiral was the idiotic angle between "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan and the Warrior in the fall of 1998. There's a LOT to go over here: we have a dumb entrance of the Warrior on a Monday Nitro, the strange "Hogan sees Warrior in a two-way mirror that also people at home can see but nobody can see the Warrior" moment a few weeks later, and their incompetent match at that year's Halloween Havoc. I've included a podcast with Tony Schiavone here as the clip because A) I really like Tony Schiavone and B) he summarizes it best by simply saying "Who booked this shit?"

Shameful Wrestler (s): The Ding Dongs

Holy shit. I've been working on this site for four years and never mentioned the Ding Dongs. Or Ding and Dong. Or -- god, whatever.

So Greg Evans and Richard Sartain -- once they had signed with WCW -- were saddled with one of the most ridiculous gimmicks ever given professional wrestlers. In an attempt to mimic some of the more kid-friendly elements of the WWF, WCW President Jim Herd came up with the idea of this tag team from...

Look, just watch the clip. And see how long you last into said clip before giving up altogether. I'm good for about six minutes.

Shameful Promo: Sting and Robocop

A few years ago, I justified some pop culture / wrestling crossovers here. Needless to say, I did not have Sting and Robocop in mind.

That's right folks: as part of the promotional campaign for Robocop II, Robocop appeared in a program with Sting taking on The Four Horsemen. And here is part of a WCW Saturday Night clip featuring Sting and Robocop delivering a promo on the Horsemen.

This promo is bad for the monotone delivery, the cheesiness, and the bad writing. And then Robocop begins talking. Thankfully Arn Anderson shows up.

Shameful Music: Jericho's First WCW Theme

Is this as bad as his next WCW theme, which was a rip-off of "Evenflow?" Debatable. Listen to this song and if it doesn't want you to drink a "little bit of the bubbly" to take the edge off, well I'm not sure I can help you.

Shameful Match: Van Hammer vs Doug Somers, Halloween Havoc 1991

Until recently, I had completely forgotten this match existed; when I was watching a recent Wrestling With Wregret video on Halloween Havoc '91, I had these flashbacks to the horror that is Van Hammer vs Doug Somers (who is from my adopted hometown of Milwaukee). In essence, this match -- which you can see clips of at around the 19:00 mark of the video above is a textbook case of a too-green wrestler (Van Hammer) facing off with a veteran (Somers) who isn't quite sure how to salvage the match. Also there are at least three bumps that Somers takes that you swear killed him. It's awful and beyond shameful.

Shameful Pop Culture Crossover Event: The WCW Episode of Baywatch Jet-Ski Scene

I've been promising to write about this episode for 4 years now -- and I swear, I swear I will in detail at some point -- but much like Degeneration X and the NWO have multiple-inductions into the completely legitimate WWE Hall of Fame, I'm going to invoke curatorial-power and begin to induct segments of this episode one at a time until I get bored with the joke.

And Rick and I never get tired of jokes......*stares off into the distance*

Anyway, there's so much to love here: the bad over-dubbing, the reckless jet-skiing, Hogan's "acting." C'est bonne!

Shameful Debut: Oz in WCW

Yes, I've written about this before. No, I don't care that I'm repeating myself. The fact that WCW debuted a wrestler with a Wizard of Oz theme still bothers me on so many levels. Now before you write me nasty comments or emails -- don't email me because I don't remember our password for the account -- I know the clip above isn't from Oz's WCW debut (that footage isn't available on YouTube). But still it's beyond bizzare -- especially the initial debut which had Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion cowering in "fear" from Neon Kevin Nash.

Anyway, that's the Fourth Wrestling Shame Hall of Shame! Please do not exit through the gift shop, and also please don't shake our hands! Do follow us on Twitter!

WrestleMania is on this Weekend & I Don't Know How to Feel About It

WrestleMania is this weekend and it felt weird that I hadn't written anything about it, so here we are. Of course, everything feels weird now. It's going to be a very, very different WrestleMania, but that doesn't necessarily mean it won't be entertaining.

But all of this feels strange. Very strange.

In once sense, it will be nice to have a distraction. However, watching WrestleMania with no fans won't entirely be an escape. Seeing the Performance Center and zero fans all night will serve as a constant reminder of the absolutely insane world we're living in right now.

And, I don't know about anyone else, but I'll also have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this is all wrong. It's been the same with AEW. The first "empty arena" show was fun and a good way to escape reality, but as they've kept doing them, it's felt more and more wrong each time. They've been harder to enjoy as the situation around the world got more serious.

Tonight and tomorrow night will likely feel the same way. For instance, if Braun Strowman wins his first Universal Title, that should be a big moment, but I'll almost definitely spend the match thinking about how it should have been Roman Reigns, but it couldn't be due to the health situation. It will feel wrong. All of this feels wrong.

[Buy the shirt]

None of this is WWE's fault. They didn't cause the pandemic. If they had, it would have been a lot less effective and Vince would have ripped up the script last week and turned the coronavirus face for no reason.

But the truth is that this is an incredibly odd, scary, and depressing time and that's a big shadow that no one can really escape.

Last night I watched the "Untold" special about the Kurt Angle/Shawn Michaels match on WWE Network. It was very good and I truly enjoyed watching two of my favourite wrestlers of all time talk about their match. But as soon as it ended and I turned off the TV, I remembered the pandemic and all the nonsense we're going through. There's no way to truly get away from it.

I'm going to watch WrestleMania this weekend. I'm going to hope it's an escape. I'm going to try to enjoy it. And I'm probably going to see a second member of the Three Man Band win the WWE title. These are weird times we're living in.

Stay safe. Stay inside. Wash your hands.