I'm On The Other Side for this "War"

Hey, remember this blog? Remember wrestling? I do. Kind of. It's the thing with the puck and the stick, right? No? Wait, that's hockey. Anyway, we're back!

*General indifference from the crowd. A small "CM Punk" chant breaks out because of course it does*

Truthfully, none of us have written anything here in a while for various reasons, but the main one is that WWE has turned us off of caring. At least that's true for me. I can't even truthfully write "the WWE product is stale" like so many others have because I have not watched since WrestleMania. I barely even check out highlights on YouTube anymore.

But it's not just the product that turned me off WWE. It's WWE itself. I've mentioned this before but WWE as a company is hard to get behind. Sure, all corporations have their problems, but WWE seems to have more.

However, you can't discuss any sort of wrestling in 2019 without talking about Vince's house of regret and confusion. Sure, there are a number of great promotions out there and indie wrestling is still doing very well, but WWE is the elephant in the room and it's an angry elephant fueled by Saudi money, a new TV deal, and the Trump Foundation. It's impossible to ignore for very long even if you're trying to ignore it.

That's why, for years, fans have been asking for "real competition." And now, starting tomorrow, we just might get it. AEW is the closest thing WWE has had to competition since WCW. It's backed by a very, very rich man, it's airing on TNT, and it has a buzz. WWE knows it, too, because they've added pyro back to their shows, tried to lock everyone under the sun into contracts, moved NXT to Wednesday nights on USA, and even looked like they care recently. It's fun to see them sweat. Yes, WWE is an institution and one that will likely not be in any sort of real financial trouble for many, many years (if ever), but this is still fun. It's real competition.

I was always a WWF guy. That clip up there? I openly cheered when Vince bought WCW. I rarely watched Turner's company. Not only that, but I hated it. I hated it because Vince McMahon told me to hate it. When my high school was filled with kids in nWo shirts, I supported DX. When Bret Hart, my favourite wrestler growing up, went "down south", he was dead to me. I was WWF/E to the core. I rarely watched ECW either. Even during TNA Impact's ill-fated "Monday Night War 2", I cheered for WWE to crush them.

But things have changed. Maybe it's because WWE is so uninteresting to me now. Maybe it's because of the Trump connection and all of the bad things Vince McMahon has done in his life. Maybe it's because of how WWE insisted on constantly degrading and insulting WCW even years after it closed. Maybe it's things like Chris Benoit and how WWE has treated wrestler deaths in general. Maybe it's just because it's just fun to see real competition. I'm not quite sure. But this time I'm not on the WWE train. 

It won't ever happen, but I'd love for AEW to blow WWE out of the water. I'd love to see Cody and Chris Jericho and Jon Moxley appear on Raw one day bragging about how they "bought the competition." I want AEW to win this war. It's a nice dream.

The reality is WWE isn't going anywhere. It's too big. The sad truth is that they'll likely be able to lure some talent away from AEW in the future once the hype has died down but the allure of competing at WrestleMania remains. They'll probably be around long after AEW closes its doors.

For now though? I'm excited.

A WrestleMania Preview, But Only The Matches @Rick_City Cares About

WrestleMania is almost here! While I'm excited about it, I haven't watched WWE TV since the Royal Rumble. I've kind of kept up by reading results and watching clips on YouTube. That said, I'm not looking forward to seven hours of WrestleMania. I mean, I'm sure it will be entertaining, but I’m also sure that I won't watch all of it.

So this is a preview of the matches I actually care about.

Becky Lynch vs Ronda Rousey vs Charlotte Flair

This Man, WWE sure screwed up the obvious Becky vs Ronda feud, didn't they? When Becky won the Rumble, it was awesome booking and I was genuinely excited. She showed up on Raw and was like “I told you I’d come back to you, Ronnie” and it was the coolest thing in the world.

Then a bunch of nonsense happened and Ronda gave up her title and Charlotte got added to the match and I think I blacked out for a while. When I came to, Charlotte had the Smackdown title and they were all simultaneously being arrested like we had three Stone Cold Steve Austins. Then, for some insane reason, the dumbest cops in the world put Ronda and Becky in the back of the same car and they got in a Simpsons-style kick fight.

And then holy shit Ronda is driving the police car!?

I’m still not sure if that segment was awful or amazing. 

Having Becky and Ronda just be bad asses who hate each other would have been so much better. 

WrestleMania main events are always better when they’re one-on-one. WrestleMania 2000 should have been Rock versus Triple H, WrestleMania 20 should have been Triple H versus Chris Benoit, and WrestleMania 30 should have been Daniel Bryan versus Randy Orton. 

However, despite all of this, I’m still excited for the match. These three women deserve to main event the show and it should be an awesome match. And, remember:

Kofi Kingston vs Daniel Bryan

In any other year, this match should main event the show. Bryan has become an incredible heel, Kofi is incredibly over, and the storyline has actually been great. They’ve made the hero of WrestleMania 30 (who we all wanted to win) into the one man that none of us want to see win at WrestleMania 35. In fact, the story has been so great that I’m waiting for WWE to screw it up (which they likely will by having Big E turn and cost Kofi the match or something).

I get that a New Day split would be a big, emotional storyline that would set things up for the future, but, as a counterpoint, just let people be happy for once. The New Day has become a rare example of real friendship, which is incredibly rare for WWE. They’re not competitive with each other, they sacrifice for each other, they work together, and they do so not because they want glory, but because they are friends. They’ve truly become the positivity that they were originally marketed them as. The world is dark and shitty enough. Just let me have this, WWE.

Kurt Angle vs Meh

I'll say a positive thing first: At least Baron Corbin is a heel who acts heelish and gets booed for being heelish. Now that that’s out of the way, I’m angry at how terribly Angle’s WWE return has been booked.

I’ve written before that he’s one of my favourite wrestlers ever and he should be considered one of the greatest of all time. But since he’s come back, WWE wasted his in-ring return on a goofy Shield cosplay joke, then they had him have a surprise son, then he did basically nothing but look foolish, and now his final match is against possibly the least interesting guy on the roster. I’m pretty sure this is all punishment for him joining TNA because Vince McMahon is a petty jerk.

It won’t even be a good match and Angle will likely lose it.

Out of all the people on the roster that could have an epic final match with Kurt Angle (AJ Styles, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, even The Undertaker or Brock Lesnar) he gets Boring Bore-bin. (You can have that epic nickname for free, internet.)

I am fully aware that Angle is no longer anywhere near his peak in terms of in-ring performance, but neither was Ric Flair and he got to retire against Shawn Michaels. Even if, somehow, WWE saves us and has someone like Cena come out and replace Corbin, the damage has been done. The hype of Angle’s final match has been a dud.

Sigh.

Okay, rant over.

I'm sure the rest of the matches will be entertaining, and the wrestling will be good (as it usually is on PPVs), but I'm not super excited about any of it. I’m pretty sure the new rule is that the show is as long as its number, so enjoy 35 hours of WrestleMania!

The 3rd Annual Hall of Shame

Welcome to the 3rd Annual Hall of Shame! It's been a wild three-years, and I'd like to thank everyone who has supported this endeavor.

Sadly, we weren't able to do a grand induction gala this year. Why? Well, you know ...we....ran into some difficulties with the venue. I'm not saying someone didn't send the check for the rental space but......Rick didn't send the check.

Anyway, we have an interesting Hall of Shame class this year, and I think you'll enjoy our list. As always, feel free to check out the other entries here.

And don't forget to stop by the gift shop on your way out! We need to move our "WHERE'S ROMAN" merchandise.

Shameful Booking: Most of The Summer of Punk

We mentioned this entry way back in our first Hall of Shame entry in 2017, and we've honestly been avoiding including it in our Hall of Shame because, to a person, we have cited Punk's Pipe Bomb promo and his subsequent match at John Cena at Money in the Bank as catalysts for us getting back into wrestling. But, how CM Punk was booked through the rest of  2011 is really rather shameful -- in fact, with a few exceptions, every moment Punk had post-Money in the Bank was shameful. And while we don't need to highlight the worst moments of the Summer of Punk -- *cough* Kevin Nash and cell phones *cough* -- we can only think of how different this could have been and SHOULD have been if the WWE would have had a bigger vision for Punk and the patience to see through a larger narrative.

Shameful Match: The Mega-Powers vs The Alliance to End Hulkamania

As Wrestling Shame's resident expert in WCW and ECW, I've struggled at times to defend some of the crappier elements of both promotions. Case in point: the booking of Hulk Hogan prior to his NWO-turn. Indeed, until his Bash at the Beach heel-turn in 1996, WCW's approach to booking Hogan was, in essence, to replicate what put Hogan over in the WWF. Shamefully, what put Hogan over in 1987 was not working in 1995 (and hell, had stopped working in the WWF by 1992), but that didn't phase WCW. One of the lowlights of this was the triple-level steel cage match at Uncensored that pitted Hogan and Randy Savage vs The Alliance to End Hulkamania (Arn Anderson, Ric Flair, Lex Luger, The Dungeon of Doom -- more on them later -- Jimmy Hart, Elizabeth, and I think the starting line-up of the Atlanta Braves). Not only was WCW recycling the Mega-Powers as a tag-team, but this match is the worst of the "Hogan wins against all odds" narrative.

Also, god this match is boring. Like, super-boring. The best part of this clip is the commentary team feigning interest -- especially Bobby Heenan when he says "oh, uh Hogan and Savage have uh powder all over the ring" -- and Dusty Rhodes desperately trying to make this seem interesting.

Shameful Wrestler / Stable: The Dungeon of Doom

Serious question: we've been doing this blog for almost three years and this is the first long mention of the Dungeon of Doom??

For those unfamiliar, the Dungeon of Doom (TDOD) was the extension of The Three Faces of Fear (also led by Kevin Sullivan), who existed to put-over Hulk Hogan (see above). And god was TDOD shameful. Imagine taking the corniest aspects of late-1980s WWF, mix-in the worst aspects of early-1990s WCW, and adding in the inventory of one of those pop-up Halloween stores.

Obviously, at some point, I need to do a feature-length piece on TDOD, but among the group's highlights / low-lights:

-The 170th different gimmick for Hall of Shame member Brutus Beefcake

-That infamous spot where Hulk Hogan goes to TDOD's lair and yells "THERE ARE NO HULKAMANICS HERE!"

-Making Vader wear a really weird, Masters of the Universe-style helmet

-The Yeti

-Re-christening John Tenta as "the Shark"

-Have I mentioned the Yeti? Because that's amazing

And this summer, I will do a Hall of Shame special exhibit on TDOD. Book it.

Shameful Promo: DX in Blackface

I hate HHH.

I hate DX.

I despise white people donning blackface.

Yeah, this is an automatic entry in the Hall of Shame.

And you're not going to see this clip in their Hall of Fame induction.

Shameful Theme Music: The Big Show

As Rick pointed out before, you can't convince us that this isn't really the theme from Roseanne.

And while we would love to hang out with The Big Show, this music is bad.

Shameful Pop Culture Moment: King Kong Bundy on Married With Children

Earlier this year, King Kong Bundy passed away. And I was reminded of not only his work with the WWE, but also his guest-starring roles on the Fox sitcom Married With Children. He actually appeared twice on the show, once in 1987 as a relative of Peggy Bundy; the second time, as himself who ends-up wresting Bud through a series of shenanigans. It's this later episode I want to induct to our Hall of Shame.

While my family and I enjoyed the show when it was on, I now look at this show with shock at 1) how bad it was and 2) how horrible the comedy is, especially toward women. And the show's regressive comedy toward women is on full-display in this episode: women are either sex-fiends or sex objects; as well, there's the standard homophobia in this episode too. So shameful, of course. But Bundy himself had already played a fictional character on the show, and was brought back to play himself. That shit happened a lot on 80s sitcoms -- especially character actors playing different roles in different seasons -- and that always bothered me.

Shameful Fans: These Guys

We have no idea who these two are, but they are pretty great right? Right?

I really hope no one figures out it's Rick and I.

Shameful Debut: The KISS Demon

If we are being honest with ourselves -- well, that might be a first -- there are probably a lot of wrestling fans who are also fans of the "band" KISS. And in the late-90s, KISS was enjoying a bit of a cultural renaissance. So, it stood to reason that WCW would try to capitalize on the nostalgic interest in a shitty band. And hence, we have the KISS Demon. Now, there's a strong case to be made for the KISS Demon to be an entry as a Shameful Wrestler -- but let's instead focus on his initial debut. In all honesty, you can just skip this clip to roughly 4:20 seconds when the Demon's casket appears. The casket -- which looks like it's from an upcoming He-Man / Stranger Things cross-over episode -- opens to reveal the Demon.

However, if you don't see this and think of This is Spinal Tap, well, we can't be friends.  

Stone Cold Steve Austin wins March Madness: WWE Champion Edition

Stone Cold Steve Austin in the greatest WWE champion of all time, at least according to our March Madness poll (which is, of course, the definitive statement on the matter).

Austin defeated Seth Rollins, Bret Hart, and The Rock to reach the final, where he KICK WHAM STUNNERED Bruno Sammartino (who had gone through Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle, and Triple H in the tournament).

Here is the final bracket:

Thanks to everyone who voted and stay tuned to @WrestlingShame on Twitter for more fun stuff and dumb nonsense. 

March Madness: WWE Champion Edition - The Final

Well. Here we are. The final round. And here are our competitors:

If you want to see the full results of the last round, check out our Twitter account.

Here's the updated bracket:

Vote via @WrestlingShame on Twitter.

March Madness: WWE Champion Edition - Round 5: Final Four

Bruno Sammartino, CM Punk, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels. One of these four will be named the Greatest WWE Champion.

If you want to see the full results of the last round, check out our Twitter account.

Here's the updated bracket:

Vote via @WrestlingShame on Twitter.

March Madness: WWE Champion Edition - Round 4: Elite 8

Oh boy, we've got some really big matches this round! Only eight contenders remain. Who will win? If you want to see the full results, check out our Twitter account.

Here's the updated bracket:

Vote via @WrestlingShame on Twitter.

March Madness: WWE Champion Edition - Round 3: Sweet Sixteen

We're down to the final 16! I have to say, these match-ups would be a hell of a wrestling card. 

As for the results from the last round, much of it went as expected, but The Undertaker defeating Randy Savage was a pretty big upset. Recency bias is clearly at work in this tournament, but what can you do. If you want to see the full results, check out our Twitter account. 

On to the next round:

Vote via @WrestlingShame on Twitter.

March Madness: WWE Champion Edition - Round 2

Okay, round one is done! You can check out the full results on our Twitter account.

As a dumb Kevin Nash mark, I am outraged that Rey Mysterio's 2-hour title reign beat Diesel's 358-day reign, but I will learn to live with it.

On to the next round! There are quite a few interesting match-ups in this round as the longest-reigning champions (who had byes in the first round) are now involved: Hogan vs Flair, Bret Hart vs Mankind, Cena vs Guerrero, Lesnar vs Batista, Randy Savage vs Undertaker and much more.

Vote in the polls on the WrestlingShame Twitter Account!

March Madness: WWE Champion Edition

Hey, it's March! So we thought we'd do a "March Madness" tournament featuring every WWE Champion in history. I'm using this list from Wikipedia as a reference and champions are ranked based on their combined days recognized as champion by WWE. We're only using recognized champions, sorry Antonio Inoki. I'm sure I made a mistake somewhere, but please don't "well actually" be about it.

All voting will be done on our Twitter account (@wrestlingshame) and we'll be splitting voting up over a few days. When you vote, try to consider the championship reign in question, not the wrestler's entire career.

Here's the complete bracket:

Check out @WrestlingShame on Twitter to vote!

Another Shameful Royal Rumble Predictions Post

Well, it’s Royal Rumble 2019 time and I probably won’t watch it. Because it’ll be Monday here and it’s a public holiday but I’ll make some uneducated guesses. I’m good at that!!

Pre-Show: 

United States Championship: Rusev (C) vs Nakamura

What on earth are these two guys doing on the Pre-Show? This is an embarrassment to both of them. How about we just shorten the actual show and load up the Rumble with as many entrants that you’d actually believe have a chance to win the thing.  

Winner: Nakamura, not because I have any clue on what has been happening recently, but my little girl hums along to his music in the car. 

Cruiserweight Championship: Buddy Murphy (C) vs Akira Tozawa vs Hideo Itami vs Kalisto

Winner: Hideo Itami, because wasn’t he meant to be some amazing signing for WWE and then he got injured? Although, I could also roll with Buddy retaining since it was “Australia Day” yesterday.

Smackdown Tag Championship: The Bar (C) vs The Miz and Shane McMahon

Winner: The Miz and Shane McMahon. They will hold it until Wrestlemania and then while defending the belts, they will have some fantastic split up. Maybe Miz will put Shane through the Barbershop Window.

RAW Women’s Championship: Ronda Rousey (C) vs Sasha Banks

Winner: Ronda Rousey. She will also drop the belt at Wrestlemania to the Women’s Royal Rumble winner. Can Sasha Banks compete in the Rumble even if she’s already had a match??

30 Man Royal Rumble:

Winner: Brock Lesnar. Not really, because you have to actually be in the building to win the Rumble. He won’t even turn up for the Main Event. But seriously, Elias would be a fun winner, for the following: 

Unless the rules have changed, there are no DQ’s in the Royal Rumble. Have Elias come down followed by 29 WWE stage hands holding guitars and just let Elias tee off on every other competitor and eliminate everyone. 

Winner: Braun Strowman. Then have him tip over the ring afterwards and throw Byron Saxton at the WrestleMania sign.....

First Elimination: Zack Ryder

Iron Man: Kofi Kingston

Shortest Time: Xavier Woods

Surprise Entrants: Kurt Angle, Jeff Jarrett & DDP

Last Elimination: Dean Ambrose

Most Eliminations: Seth Rollins

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: Kofi gets thrown over the top rope, but lands on a cookie sheet that’s sticking out from under the ring. His feet never touched the floor. And why wouldn’t ringside be littered with cookie sheets. There are baker’s ovens under the ring.

Smackdown Women’s Championship: Asuka (C) vs Becky Lynch

Winner: Becky Lynch. She’s the real “Lunatic” in the WWE. 

30 Woman Royal Rumble:

Winner: Charlotte Flair. She will rarely ever be out of the Championship picture. If she wins, she will challenge for both the RAW and Smackdown Women’s Championships at Wrestlemania. And win them both.

First Elimination: Lana

Iron Woman: Charlotte Flair

Shortest Time: Alicia Fox

Surprise Entrants: Alundra Blayze, Wendi Richter, ZoyaThe Destroya!!

Last Elimination: Nia Jax

Most Eliminations: Charlotte Flair

WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan (C) vs AJ Styles

Winner: No Contest. There will not be a winner in this match. They will rematch at WrestleMania, somehow. Don’t ask me how, I don’t watch enough WWE to justify this explanation. 

WWE Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar (C) vs Finn Balor

Winner: Brock Lesnar. You can’t lose the title if you don’t show up to the match. 

Unless Finn shows up as the Demon dude. Then let the confetti cover the face paint at the end of the night. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it or anything. 

Then the show will end with Vince McMahon on the screen letting all the fans know that the WWE Network will now cost $19.99 per month, to cover the cost of “giving the fans what they want”.....

Hope it’s fun, but I have no idea what is going on.

A More Shameful Royal Rumble Prediction

Here we go!

Happy 2019, everyone. It's that time of year again. I'm starting on my taxes and we're back here on the road to Wrestlemania, where it all begins. Wrestling in 2018 sure was a roller coaster, wasn't it? 

Let's start with the reason I'm here for this event. A little over a year ago I unfortunately bought in to the baloney that Dave Meltzer presented about Finn Balor. I got a little heated and wrote a piece for the blog, one of my first few, actually. At the time it was said Finn wasn't over enough to be a contender for the Universal Championship against Brock Lesnar. Thankfully Finn rolled with it, made it his own, and designed some fantastic tshirts around it (heck yeah artsy people). I really wish this would be a championship match against Roman, because based on past pay per views, and Monday Night Raw matches, the two of them work really well together to put on a fantastic performance. But here we are, the second biggest event without Roman Reigns. If you look at it from the past year with Finn's feuds, it absolutely makes sense he could beat Brock, not counting the demon paint at Summerslam, Finn had feuds with Baron, Bobby and Drew, and almost beat Braun until Kevin Owens interfered with the match. These are pretty big guys, but the story in the making shows Finn may be smaller, but just as capable and a great wrestler. I believe. I believe I gotta get one of those new tshirts hes selling. I'm serious.

A live look at me, again this year.

WWE Championship: 

As a millennial woman, I really appreciate this new Daniel Bryan. I'm glad he figured out Boomhaur's secret weakness of kicks to the groin. We can learn a lot from Shinske Nakamura. I hope Dbry retains because gosh AJ is just super boring. 

Raw Women's Championship:

I mean, I dont have to say it do I?

I know Rick thinks Ronda is doing better than expected, and maybe that's true, but she just yells a lot and throws people and goes for the arm bar. I'm not entertained, I'm mildly annoyed. Thank you glam squad for providing me with laughs once a month. The 4 horsewomen angle keeps coming up, and I like that Sasha says "You do this because you're a fan." Heck yeah, lady. Actually, I'm more than mildly annoyed that way better wrestlers who worked hard to get into WWE as a wrestler have taken a back seat and are stuck in limbo to someone who was signed and retains purely for namesake. A few wrestlers I absolutely love used to be MMA fighters (Shayna and Matt Riddle), yet, the "baddest woman on the planet" isn't really all that bad. 

Smackdown Women's Championship: 

This is a Becky Lynch appreciation blog. Carry on.

Cruiserweight Championship:

STOP SLEEPING ON THE CRUISERWEIGHTS. Im waiting for Drew to get his opportunity again. I just hope Akira wins. 

On to the Rumble! 

Ill be honest. Its too soon to hear that buzzer since Extreme Rules. I have flashbacks.

Men's Rumble

First Elimination: I'm going to go with Curt Hawkins again. That guy has some kinda vibe hes gotta keep right?

Iron Man: Dean Ambrose

Shortest Time: Jinder. 

Who Eliminates the Most? Probably freakin' Randy. Gosh I hate him.

Surprise Entrants: Adam Cole BAYBAYYY. Maybe Riccochet, Johnny Gargano? I think some NXT Guys. Id geek if Jericho shows up for one last time before he starts with AEW.

Last Elimination: Shinske Nakamura. He's gonna hang in there! 

Winner: Seth. I feel like Seth has this big push coming and all of my hopes and dreams will be crushed under my Finn Balor merchandise. Seth is a great wrestler. But he feels so two faced to me. 

Most Awkward Elimination: Bobby Roode and Chad Gable. Mistakes happen.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Samoa Joe or Xavier Woods. They are so underrated and so good.

Cheap Pop Entrant: John Cena suuuuucks. Just kidding. I love you. Cut your hair.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Glorious, of course. 

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: How can I top my prediction about pancakes last year. This year? I'm calling it now, John Cena is involved.

Women's Rumble:

I admit I didn't see all of the reveals that WWE put out because to me, that's like finding out what you're getting before Christmas comes. And what is the fun in that?

First Elimination: Mandy Rose, I'm begging Naomi to end this nonsense. 

Iron Woman: Zelina Vega. 

Shortest Time: Sonya Deville

Who Eliminates the Most? Probably Nia and Tamina because they always end up being the two who clear house.

Surprise Entrants: This was the best part of last year. I want Michele McCool and Trish again. Ah that would be so cool.

Last Elimination: Alexa Bliss

Winner: Charlotte. We know where this is going. (But be still my heart. Im so in love)

Most Awkward Elimination: I hate to say its going to be Alicia because that woman deserves WAY better. 

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Bayley or Carmella. I love Carmella so much.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Dont put Paige out there for the pop please. No she cant wrestle but, I admire how much sh'es doing outside of WWE right now.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Its not annoying but I like the Bayley song

Rick: HEYYYYYY! IT'S A-ME, the guy who barely watches WWE anymore but still has OPINIONS. 

I'll make this quick because, let's be honest, no one wants to hear from me. I haven’t seen WWE since Survivor Series, but I do watch clips on YouTube (as long as they’re Becky Lynch or Daniel Bryan). That counts, right? Anyway, here are my Rumble picks. (I barely know who's in these matches. I'm sorry.) 

Men's Rumble

First Elimination: R-Truth. I know he's supposed to be number 30 but, hear me out, it gets WACKY!!!! He gets confused and comes out at number 3 instead, and gets quickly eliminated.

Iron Man: Drew McIntyre

Shortest Time: Baron Corbin. Does everyone still hate him? Maybe everyone jumps him as soon as he enters the match and throws him out. Or he wins the whole thing because Vince McMahon hates us.

Who Eliminates the Most? Bobby Lashley

Surprise Entrants: Someone from the 90s (maybe Booker T or X-Pac or something) and someone from NXT who I don't know. Oh, and maybe Kurt Angle. And Kane.

Last Elimination: John Cena

Winner: Seth Rollins is a good pick. I'll pick him too!

Most Awkward Elimination: Apollo Crews. It will be awkward because no one will care.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Kofi Kingston. He's only in the Rumble to be eliminated.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Kurt Angle?

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Is that "Ten" guy still around? Him.

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: He's just thrown out. Nothing special. And then Woods and Big E are shocked and they're eliminated too.

Women's Rumble:

First Elimination: Alicia Fox

Iron Woman: Natalya

Shortest Time: Lana

Who Eliminates the Most? Nia Jax

Surprise Entrants: Probably Trish and Lita. And Sasha Banks after she loses her match. My hope is Becky Lynch, but WWE hates its fans, so that won't happen. Oh, and at least one Bella. They're from Arizona, right?

Last Elimination: Alexa Bliss is a good pick.

Winner: Another good pick by Jay. Charlotte wins.

Most Awkward Elimination: Carmella. It will involve R-Truth somehow. And then they'll dance or whatever it is they do.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Bayley or Lana.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Renee Young or Stephanie McMahon. Why not? I have no idea.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Nia and Tamina will go on an elimination spree that will make the crowd angry, so one of them getting eliminated will make people chant something like "This is awesome!"

I hate that chant.

Enjoy the show! It's gonna be long (as per usual).

Gene Okerland Tribute: The Shameful Training Video

Today, the world of pro wrestling lost one of its greatest voices as "Mean Gene" Okerland passed away at 76. If you're like me, and grew up watching professional wrestling in the 1980s, Okerland was always there. He was a slightly nerdy, but cool presenter -- one who you suspected was completely in on the joke, but never really broke the fourth-wall. He was one of wrestling's best straight-men, whether he was trying to contain Nick Bockwinkel and Bobby Heenan in the AWA or comprehend Randy Savage's madness in the WWF or project shock at the antics of the NWO in WCW.

There are a lot of great Okerland moments -- his singing of the National Anthem, his profane ranting during that SummerSlam, basically every interview he ever did -- but as a tribute to him, I wanted to comment on my favorite Okerland moment: his training video with Hulk Hogan prior to their 1984 tag-team match against George "The Animal" Steele and Mr. Fuji. As a tribute to Okerland, I've highlighted the moments here that have endured me to this video -- and given some jokey comments as well. This is Wrestling Shame after all.

• Our video begins in Gene's kitchen. And let's just say even by 1984 standards, it's pretty hideous. That yellow and brown wallpaper is particularly egregious. Also, those cabinets need to go too. Thankfully, Rick and I's renovation budget is $130,000.

• Hulk then offers to make Gene breakfast by cracking a bunch of eggs a la that scene from Rocky. One of the more interesting things I've read recently was a piece over at Slate about the history of this practice. In short, it's not really a good idea. And who said Wrestling Shame didn't care about its readers? The more you know kids!

• Also, I love how the glasses Gene provides are ice cream sundae dishes. Respect. 

• We then see Hogan and Okerland jogging around a park in the Twin Cities area, and both of them look horrible. Maybe jogging during the middle of the day wasn't the brightest idea. Nor was eating raw eggs.

• Let's pause for a moment to point out that this entire video is set in the Twin Cities, which was the homebase of the AWA -- the very organization that Okerland and Hogan left in 1984. That's not at all by accident of course, and shows the pettiness of the McMahon family has a long history.

• The Minnesotans in this video fall into two camps: the first are the crowds that line the jogging paths and cheer on Gene and Hulk. They are really annoying. The second, and by far more interesting, are the people who appear to be oblivious they are being filmed. They either run by Mean Gene or walk by Hogan without so much as a glance toward either man. These are my people. 

• While I emphasize with Gene's desire for sustenance, a beer and a brat? Come on Gene. I've lived in Milwaukee for over a decade, and I hate to break this to everyone but brats are really overrated. Drink some water sir.

• Wait -- has anyone had any liquids at any point in this video?

• The entire second day of training consists of a body-building montage. Fun fact: every film made from 1981 to 1993 featured a training montage. 

• "Hulk Hogan is about as big as Prince and the Purple Rain." Sorry Gene. Only Prince is as big as Prince.

• Also, why is Gene mad that Hulk is at his place at 6am. He was there at 5:30 am the other day. Also, is Hulk breaking-into Gene's place? If Gene gave Hulk a key, then it's Gene's fault at this point. 

• We then get another training montage of Hulk and Gene, this time running up the steps of the Met Center in Bloomington. Gene's wearing of a North Stars t-shirt made him the chubbiest person to wear that logo since Gump Worsley.

• On Day Four of training, Hulk makes Gene do the wheelbarrow up 30-odd flights of stairs. I'm really starting to question Hulk's training methods here you guys. 

• And finally, we get a series of Rocky homages: running up the steps, jumping at the top of the steps, awkwardly hugging, and posing like statues. We then get perhaps the most disturbing selfie in human history. It will be in your dreams tonight.

My jokes aside, this is my favorite Okerland moment. It's cheesy, it's silly, it's funny, and charming. And I'm glad we all got to see his best. Rest in peace Gene.