Another Shameful Royal Rumble Predictions Post

Well, it’s Royal Rumble 2019 time and I probably won’t watch it. Because it’ll be Monday here and it’s a public holiday but I’ll make some uneducated guesses. I’m good at that!!

Pre-Show: 

United States Championship: Rusev (C) vs Nakamura

What on earth are these two guys doing on the Pre-Show? This is an embarrassment to both of them. How about we just shorten the actual show and load up the Rumble with as many entrants that you’d actually believe have a chance to win the thing.  

Winner: Nakamura, not because I have any clue on what has been happening recently, but my little girl hums along to his music in the car. 

Cruiserweight Championship: Buddy Murphy (C) vs Akira Tozawa vs Hideo Itami vs Kalisto

Winner: Hideo Itami, because wasn’t he meant to be some amazing signing for WWE and then he got injured? Although, I could also roll with Buddy retaining since it was “Australia Day” yesterday.

Smackdown Tag Championship: The Bar (C) vs The Miz and Shane McMahon

Winner: The Miz and Shane McMahon. They will hold it until Wrestlemania and then while defending the belts, they will have some fantastic split up. Maybe Miz will put Shane through the Barbershop Window.

RAW Women’s Championship: Ronda Rousey (C) vs Sasha Banks

Winner: Ronda Rousey. She will also drop the belt at Wrestlemania to the Women’s Royal Rumble winner. Can Sasha Banks compete in the Rumble even if she’s already had a match??

30 Man Royal Rumble:

Winner: Brock Lesnar. Not really, because you have to actually be in the building to win the Rumble. He won’t even turn up for the Main Event. But seriously, Elias would be a fun winner, for the following: 

Unless the rules have changed, there are no DQ’s in the Royal Rumble. Have Elias come down followed by 29 WWE stage hands holding guitars and just let Elias tee off on every other competitor and eliminate everyone. 

Winner: Braun Strowman. Then have him tip over the ring afterwards and throw Byron Saxton at the WrestleMania sign.....

First Elimination: Zack Ryder

Iron Man: Kofi Kingston

Shortest Time: Xavier Woods

Surprise Entrants: Kurt Angle, Jeff Jarrett & DDP

Last Elimination: Dean Ambrose

Most Eliminations: Seth Rollins

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: Kofi gets thrown over the top rope, but lands on a cookie sheet that’s sticking out from under the ring. His feet never touched the floor. And why wouldn’t ringside be littered with cookie sheets. There are baker’s ovens under the ring.

Smackdown Women’s Championship: Asuka (C) vs Becky Lynch

Winner: Becky Lynch. She’s the real “Lunatic” in the WWE. 

30 Woman Royal Rumble:

Winner: Charlotte Flair. She will rarely ever be out of the Championship picture. If she wins, she will challenge for both the RAW and Smackdown Women’s Championships at Wrestlemania. And win them both.

First Elimination: Lana

Iron Woman: Charlotte Flair

Shortest Time: Alicia Fox

Surprise Entrants: Alundra Blayze, Wendi Richter, ZoyaThe Destroya!!

Last Elimination: Nia Jax

Most Eliminations: Charlotte Flair

WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan (C) vs AJ Styles

Winner: No Contest. There will not be a winner in this match. They will rematch at WrestleMania, somehow. Don’t ask me how, I don’t watch enough WWE to justify this explanation. 

WWE Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar (C) vs Finn Balor

Winner: Brock Lesnar. You can’t lose the title if you don’t show up to the match. 

Unless Finn shows up as the Demon dude. Then let the confetti cover the face paint at the end of the night. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it or anything. 

Then the show will end with Vince McMahon on the screen letting all the fans know that the WWE Network will now cost $19.99 per month, to cover the cost of “giving the fans what they want”.....

Hope it’s fun, but I have no idea what is going on.