A More Shameful Royal Rumble Prediction

Here we go!

Happy 2019, everyone. It's that time of year again. I'm starting on my taxes and we're back here on the road to Wrestlemania, where it all begins. Wrestling in 2018 sure was a roller coaster, wasn't it? 

Let's start with the reason I'm here for this event. A little over a year ago I unfortunately bought in to the baloney that Dave Meltzer presented about Finn Balor. I got a little heated and wrote a piece for the blog, one of my first few, actually. At the time it was said Finn wasn't over enough to be a contender for the Universal Championship against Brock Lesnar. Thankfully Finn rolled with it, made it his own, and designed some fantastic tshirts around it (heck yeah artsy people). I really wish this would be a championship match against Roman, because based on past pay per views, and Monday Night Raw matches, the two of them work really well together to put on a fantastic performance. But here we are, the second biggest event without Roman Reigns. If you look at it from the past year with Finn's feuds, it absolutely makes sense he could beat Brock, not counting the demon paint at Summerslam, Finn had feuds with Baron, Bobby and Drew, and almost beat Braun until Kevin Owens interfered with the match. These are pretty big guys, but the story in the making shows Finn may be smaller, but just as capable and a great wrestler. I believe. I believe I gotta get one of those new tshirts hes selling. I'm serious.

A live look at me, again this year.

WWE Championship: 

As a millennial woman, I really appreciate this new Daniel Bryan. I'm glad he figured out Boomhaur's secret weakness of kicks to the groin. We can learn a lot from Shinske Nakamura. I hope Dbry retains because gosh AJ is just super boring. 

Raw Women's Championship:

I mean, I dont have to say it do I?

I know Rick thinks Ronda is doing better than expected, and maybe that's true, but she just yells a lot and throws people and goes for the arm bar. I'm not entertained, I'm mildly annoyed. Thank you glam squad for providing me with laughs once a month. The 4 horsewomen angle keeps coming up, and I like that Sasha says "You do this because you're a fan." Heck yeah, lady. Actually, I'm more than mildly annoyed that way better wrestlers who worked hard to get into WWE as a wrestler have taken a back seat and are stuck in limbo to someone who was signed and retains purely for namesake. A few wrestlers I absolutely love used to be MMA fighters (Shayna and Matt Riddle), yet, the "baddest woman on the planet" isn't really all that bad. 

Smackdown Women's Championship: 

This is a Becky Lynch appreciation blog. Carry on.

Cruiserweight Championship:

STOP SLEEPING ON THE CRUISERWEIGHTS. Im waiting for Drew to get his opportunity again. I just hope Akira wins. 

On to the Rumble! 

Ill be honest. Its too soon to hear that buzzer since Extreme Rules. I have flashbacks.

Men's Rumble

First Elimination: I'm going to go with Curt Hawkins again. That guy has some kinda vibe hes gotta keep right?

Iron Man: Dean Ambrose

Shortest Time: Jinder. 

Who Eliminates the Most? Probably freakin' Randy. Gosh I hate him.

Surprise Entrants: Adam Cole BAYBAYYY. Maybe Riccochet, Johnny Gargano? I think some NXT Guys. Id geek if Jericho shows up for one last time before he starts with AEW.

Last Elimination: Shinske Nakamura. He's gonna hang in there! 

Winner: Seth. I feel like Seth has this big push coming and all of my hopes and dreams will be crushed under my Finn Balor merchandise. Seth is a great wrestler. But he feels so two faced to me. 

Most Awkward Elimination: Bobby Roode and Chad Gable. Mistakes happen.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Samoa Joe or Xavier Woods. They are so underrated and so good.

Cheap Pop Entrant: John Cena suuuuucks. Just kidding. I love you. Cut your hair.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Glorious, of course. 

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: How can I top my prediction about pancakes last year. This year? I'm calling it now, John Cena is involved.

Women's Rumble:

I admit I didn't see all of the reveals that WWE put out because to me, that's like finding out what you're getting before Christmas comes. And what is the fun in that?

First Elimination: Mandy Rose, I'm begging Naomi to end this nonsense. 

Iron Woman: Zelina Vega. 

Shortest Time: Sonya Deville

Who Eliminates the Most? Probably Nia and Tamina because they always end up being the two who clear house.

Surprise Entrants: This was the best part of last year. I want Michele McCool and Trish again. Ah that would be so cool.

Last Elimination: Alexa Bliss

Winner: Charlotte. We know where this is going. (But be still my heart. Im so in love)

Most Awkward Elimination: I hate to say its going to be Alicia because that woman deserves WAY better. 

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Bayley or Carmella. I love Carmella so much.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Dont put Paige out there for the pop please. No she cant wrestle but, I admire how much sh'es doing outside of WWE right now.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Its not annoying but I like the Bayley song

Rick: HEYYYYYY! IT'S A-ME, the guy who barely watches WWE anymore but still has OPINIONS. 

I'll make this quick because, let's be honest, no one wants to hear from me. I haven’t seen WWE since Survivor Series, but I do watch clips on YouTube (as long as they’re Becky Lynch or Daniel Bryan). That counts, right? Anyway, here are my Rumble picks. (I barely know who's in these matches. I'm sorry.) 

Men's Rumble

First Elimination: R-Truth. I know he's supposed to be number 30 but, hear me out, it gets WACKY!!!! He gets confused and comes out at number 3 instead, and gets quickly eliminated.

Iron Man: Drew McIntyre

Shortest Time: Baron Corbin. Does everyone still hate him? Maybe everyone jumps him as soon as he enters the match and throws him out. Or he wins the whole thing because Vince McMahon hates us.

Who Eliminates the Most? Bobby Lashley

Surprise Entrants: Someone from the 90s (maybe Booker T or X-Pac or something) and someone from NXT who I don't know. Oh, and maybe Kurt Angle. And Kane.

Last Elimination: John Cena

Winner: Seth Rollins is a good pick. I'll pick him too!

Most Awkward Elimination: Apollo Crews. It will be awkward because no one will care.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Kofi Kingston. He's only in the Rumble to be eliminated.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Kurt Angle?

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Is that "Ten" guy still around? Him.

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: He's just thrown out. Nothing special. And then Woods and Big E are shocked and they're eliminated too.

Women's Rumble:

First Elimination: Alicia Fox

Iron Woman: Natalya

Shortest Time: Lana

Who Eliminates the Most? Nia Jax

Surprise Entrants: Probably Trish and Lita. And Sasha Banks after she loses her match. My hope is Becky Lynch, but WWE hates its fans, so that won't happen. Oh, and at least one Bella. They're from Arizona, right?

Last Elimination: Alexa Bliss is a good pick.

Winner: Another good pick by Jay. Charlotte wins.

Most Awkward Elimination: Carmella. It will involve R-Truth somehow. And then they'll dance or whatever it is they do.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Bayley or Lana.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Renee Young or Stephanie McMahon. Why not? I have no idea.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Nia and Tamina will go on an elimination spree that will make the crowd angry, so one of them getting eliminated will make people chant something like "This is awesome!"

I hate that chant.

Enjoy the show! It's gonna be long (as per usual).