Everything that feels like it happened two years ago actually happened in a span of the last twelve months, and I don't just mean anything wrestling related.
A live look at me. God I miss you, Roman Reigns.
Yes, I'm also large and hairy and throw hands.
I admit I've been a bad fan lately. The main roster has taken a backseat for me while I watch NXT, the britwres boys and girls on NXTUK, and 205 live. Regardless, TLC is this Sunday and I will probably watch as background noise.
A lot happened this year between current events, politics, pop culture and wrestling itself. I was lucky to make it to a Smackdown Live before Wrestlemania, which then was a huge let down for everyone I think because we expected so much more. Thank you, John Cena for being a light on a dark evening.
I also made it to my first ever PPV at Extreme Rules, and I still had fun regardless of how bad of a card and event it actually was. Yes, I'm with you, the crowd was downright terrible.
I would die for this woman. We are kindred spirits.
Unfortunately, it feels like TLC is going to be another boring regurgitated PPV like most of this past years events. With the decision to merge brands for events once a month, that really rushes a good feud build up and a way to build a longer story over a longer time, so it feels like were constantly seeing the same superstars pushed every week, and every title defense. Which, crazy we rarely see a title change hands on Monday or Tuesdays anymore. Daniel did it just last month almost on the anniversary of AJ defeating Jinder Mahal for the WWE Championship. Seth hasn't done much with the Intercontinental Championship since Dean came back and now has to with Dean turning on his brother. We haven't seen Brock since...who cares, because we know he doesn't. Ronda doesn't want to take a loss ever because it makes her lose value, so Nia will just succumb to an arm bar, because Ronda can't do anything else but talk in the ring.
I get it. I sound bitter and salty, but that's because so much was bad about the company this year, especially over the events in Saudi Arabia. And I hear it a lot from Indy marks about how much better "X" company is and I'm not disagreeing. You re not wrong at how bad WWE is. The reality is, I generally still do watch whatever wrestling I can get my eyes to, and not everything is as easily accessible to turning on my television twice a week.
Okay, you ask, so what is the point of all this? Where's your snappy sarcasm for matches this card? The women. Aside from Ronda getting owned by the glam squad, I'm incredibly excited to see the TLC match between Becky, Asuka, and Charlotte. Remember Evolution? I want them to one up that shit. There's women's matches with stipulations. I'm so excited because these women still put on better matches than the men do. I mean, you re really excited to watch Bobby Lashley throw Lio Rush at Elias? No. You're not, and I'm not either.
Becky Lynch is the coolest WWE wrestler since CM Punk.
In a way, her being injured and off the Survivor Series card is a good thing, because she won't have to job to Ronda Rousey on the show. Don't get me wrong, Ronda is over and she's been impressive in WWE, but Becky is on a whole other level. It would be a shame for a loss to stop her momentum now. Another way the injury helps is that, hopefully, now they let Rousey and Lynch main event WrestleMania, since Rousey vs Charlotte (the rumoured WrestleMania main event) is happening on this show.
I'm not going to do the traditional preview for Survivor Series where I talk about each match because, to be honest, I don't watch enough WWE programming to have an opinion on each match.
All I want to see is Becky Lynch show up and raise hell and Paul Heyman turn on Brock Lesnar and join Daniel Bryan. Hey, a guy can dream, right?
Knowing WWE, they'll have Lesnar squash Bryan after 24 German suplexes, because they won't let us have nice things.
But at least the Lynch and Bryan situations make things feel a bit exciting and unpredictable, two things that WWE has been desperately lacking in recent years.
Over on the Raw side, I'm kind of yawning. The Shield break up is/was a good story over there, but Smackdown is a much more interesting show to me. They actually have storylines and feuds that feel important, rather than just throwing people together.
Speaking of Raw vs Smackdown, much like last year, I still wish something was actually on the line at this show. "Brand Supremacy" is nice, but it's basically meaningless. The Lynch/Rousey feud had something going for as both wanted to prove they are the "real" champion, but every other match just kind of seems to exist. There isn't any upside or downside to a brand losing other than pride. WWE is a world where wins and losses barely matter, and that really hurts this show. We'll likely go into the final match with "both brands all tied up" so that the final match means more, but in reality it doesn't mean anything. It never does. Welcome to the void.
I'll give WWE credit for trying to make Survivor Series more interesting. There are *checks notes* 236 WWE pay-per-views and network specials each year, so anything that makes one of them stand out should be applauded. Unfortunately, because there are so many events, unless there are actual real consequences at stake on the show (which there rarely are and which Survivor Series is definitely lacking) everyone is going to forget about this show completely in about one week as the unstoppable WWE machine rolls on.
So hopefully Becky Lynch shows up. Because that would be cool and possibly even memorable. Not even WWE could screw Becky Lynch up now, right? Right?
"But I'm stronger, strong enough to rise above. This is a woman's world" - Cher
Ah my ladies, today is the day, right?
Social media is a buzz among superstars and the women of WWE having their first ever all women's pay per view event in New York City tonight.
I wish I could be as excited as I am supposed to be for this event tonight, but I cant shake the feeling it feels fake and plastic like the announcement Stephanie made months ago shrieking on the microphone as she does to the entire locker rooms of Raw, Smackdown, and NXT.
This PPV tonight somehow got swept under the rug shortly after its announcement and forgotten with Super Showdown in Australia and everything setting up for Crown Jewel, which I will get to shortly.
Honestly, an all women's event is really exciting and something to look forward to. I was a kid who grew up without cable television and I didn't really have all the exposure to wrestling like most kids did, and from what I saw as a young teenage girl, it could be really discouraging rather than inspiring at times to see how they treated the women in the business. Today is much different and the women of WWE know exactly that they are role models and inspire young women to be the best version of themselves.
So flash forward a few months from the first Women's Royal Rumble, which was entertaining as hell this January, and now we have an all Women's Pay Per View event called Evolution. Renee Young and Beth Phoenix on commentary? Trish and Lita? Hell yes. I'm 100% here for this. But the taste turned sour for me when the Bellas started showing up every week and we get the same repetitive 6 women tag matches on TV. I like Nikki and Brie, but why does it suddenly feel less genuine as we get closer to this PPV tonight? I know deep down this is less about women's wrestling, and more just a push for Total Divas and Total Bellas. I respect and admire the hell out of those girls for building an empire for themselves. Brie is a dedicated mom and Nikki is out there being a business woman I have only dreamt of being able to be with my own business. I'm salty as hell because the twins, Paige, Nia, Nattie, and Naomi plug the hell out of their show while the Mae Young Classic is on after they all praise what women's wrestling has become. No blame on them, they're just doing their job. Women from all over the world come to be signed by WWE, the most televised wrestling company in the world, and there is a push to celebrate what these girls do, but a corporate push for ratings more. Its the business I guess and money talks to the McMahon's.
Speaking of money, tonight was pushed aside quickly for feud build ups for another event in Saudi Arabia next month, the Crown Jewel. I shouldn't have to say much about this because of the hot water with a messy cover up of a journalists murder, many superstars threatening not to go, and the general safety of superstars with more progressive views. The card was hand picked by the Crown Prince, who just wants to see attitude era wrestlers for a bunch of money. Need I say much else? No one really wants this event to go on, so we wait to see if the state department lets Vinny have his wishes granted.
Saltiness around this event aside, I follow a lot of the women on social media like Twitter and Instagram, and this is what makes this event so special. We live in an era where people share their lives with each other through tweets and pictures, and if you follow these women on social media, you see behind the scenes and without keyfabe, these girls love each other so much and so genuinely. They lift each other up and are there for one another. Instead of just seeing an in ring persona, you get to see friends going out for drinks, traveling long miles together, and encouraging one another.
This is one of my favorite pictures the girls have shared! Look how far they've come!
If you take away anything from all of the production today its that women can absolutely change the world when we lift one another and support each other to be the best that we can be. We should always be celebrating each other and achieving our goals. Live your best life ladies, you deserve it.
I spent a big part of my childhood in Video Game Arcades. That was the early 90’s, before home consoles weren’t at all comparable to arcade games. They weren’t even close.
The year was 2015, and a “White Whale” appears on eBay Australia.
It’s a pinball that I’d personally never seen in Australia. Ever. There were only 3,500 released worldwide.
At $12,000 AUD the listing was pretty absurd to me, but I kept it on my “Watch” list, just out of curiosity. After a month it dropped to $9,000 and stayed there for another month. Then it disappeared.
After seeing that it didn’t sell, I figured I’d try my hand and make the guy an offer via eBay messages. I got it for around half of what he’d originally listed it for, as long as I picked it up that weekend.
Hooray for me! Hooray for my wife for allowing such a ridiculous purchase, considering we’d just had our baby girl arrive 6 months earlier.
Fast forward to 2018, we have moved into our newly built house and got all our things out of storage, which had been there for nearly two years since the process of selling our old place and the completion of our new house had finished. I almost forgot I even had arcade games...
So a week ago, I ordered some replacement rubbers for the flippers and replacement some light bulbs and even the flipper buttons. They arrived fairly quickly and just happened to fall on one of our daughter’s day care days. So I got to work and changed the parts over and it really sunk in how beautiful the machine is. Now I don’t mean the condition of the machine, because in my head, there’s a lot more that I would like to refurbish on it. The artwork is fantastic for that time and the little extras, like the upper playfield and especially the miniature Undertaker casket (Located just above Undertaker to the left).
I didn’t even remember all the World Wildlife Fund Performers, World Wrestling Entertainment Superstars, sorry, World Wrestling Federation Wrestlers that appeared on this game. Yes, this is a WWF game. Don’t censor me WWE, I own this machine!! You can’t change my history. On that, just because I am venting, “WWE” never defeated WCW, the WWF did.
In the time it took me to type this, World Wrestling Entertainment has been to my house and censored my machine...
Being that this Data East pinball machine was released in April 1994 and Hulk Hogan signed with WCW in June 1994, the whole thing just seems weird. This game must have been in production for a few years, based on the original designs. The Prototype cabinet and Translite (Backbox Artwork) were completely different.
I’d honestly love to see what the playfield looked like for that version. At least I can dream of some rambling Ultimate Warrior sound clips playing, and maybe a Ric Flair “Wooooooooo” when you launch the ball
.
And when I first got the machine, I was pretty sure they just painted Hulk Hogan over Ultimate Warrior on the side of the Translite Box.
I might actually just paint Ultimate Warrior over the top of Hulkster..
Wrestlemania VI FOR-EVVVVVVERRRR!!!!
The game has three targets where when the ball goes through, it lights up one of three wrestlers, plays an 8-Bit style version of their entrance music (Except Lex gets the “I’ll Be Your Hero” instrumental) and they get some screen time on the display in under the backboard artwork. Pretty weird selection though.
Left Ramp:
Yokozuna
Doink The Clown
Tatanka
Center Ramp:
Bret “Hitman” Hart
“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Lex Luger
Right Target:
Crush
Big Bossman
Shawn Michaels
This is all pretty weird, considering who else appears on the machine:
Mr. Perfect and Razor Ramon have artwork, but are hidden down the bottom. The Steiner Brothers get a small image, as do the Bushwackers in the “TAG” area.
The Smoking Gunns get their own little in-game feature, as does The Undertaker and also “Macho Man” Randy Savage get his own “Macho Madness”.
Even “El Matador” Tito Santana is in there, getting pinned, nonetheless.
Personally, even in 1994, I would not have Duggan or Bossman on the machine. You could’ve easily replaced them with “Big Daddy Cool” Diesel and Owen Hart.
The playfield looks so great, but the game is actually pretty difficult to play if the legs levels are even the slightest bit off level. As in, you launch the ball out and it can go straight back down the gutter or whatever it’s called when the ball goes dead. I might like arcade games and pinball machines, but I’m not up to speed with terminology and if I go onto Google right now, I’ll never finish this.
The audio on the game is also pretty fun. Vince McMahon is constantly screaming over the music with “Get back in the ring” or the classic McMahon-ism of “Arrrggghhhh!!”
Once you turn the machine on, if you have what is called the “Attract” music turned on, get ready to be bombarded with an instrumental version of “Real American”. I love that song, but I worked out how to turn it off to avoid smashing the machine with a folding chair, because on repeat, it sucks.
Now if Rick Derringer was constantly standing next to my pinball, I could probably handle it.
Speaking of which, I came across this video, with extra lines thrown in:
I’m not even a “Fake” American, but if I heard this in public, I’d probably run through a brick wall...
It’s really amazing that there wasn’t another legit Arcade WWF Pinball released during the Attitude Era. Covered in Stone Cold, Undertaker, Kane and DX.
So all in all, Data East’s WWF Royal Rumble is not an amazing game, but it’s fun to play and probably more than that, it fills a void of when I really enjoyed wrestling. Like any game, it takes you briefly away from this pretty awful world we are living in. And the best part of me owning this pinball machine is: My daughter has had a pinball since not long after birth, and always wants to play it, which leads to her running around the house screaming “Ohhhhh Yeah Daddy, I’m the Macho Man!!”.
This was...fun? I am sincerely questioning why I don't feel burnt out after a Takeover Weekend and Monday Night Raw, with SmackDown about to start.
To me, this may be the first PPV the main roster has put on in a long time that didn't feel overshadowed by a great Takeover the night before. Dont get me wrong, NXT has an absolutely high bar set and they continue to deliver every time, but I'm happy I actually enjoyed the product on a Sunday night. The pacing was good, the match ups were good, and the shenanigans were minimum yet enjoyable, like Becky's (heel?) turn on Charlotte, and Braun showing up ringside for the Universal Title.
As far as feuds go, with the Women's matches, I think a lot of this is building up towards Evolution, which, I am freakin' excited for, frankly. Its about damn time. After the pop for Becky turning on her best friend, and the make Ronda a face gimmick on Raw last night, it furthers my suspicion.
Upsets of the night:
These are my personal griefs. Yours might differ. Sorry 'bout it.
Cedric retaining the Cruiserweight championship: Okay I know no one else around here watches 205 Live, but I will continue preaching that you all are sleeping on one of the best divisions in WWE. Drew Gulak has been building up amazing momentum. Is there more they want to do with Cedric? They've exhausted him vs Mustafa Ali. And at this point since they're ignoring Tony and Drew's beef, I don't know where else to go except I guess a title change on a random Tuesday night. Its a PPV. That's worthy of a title change-For a better 205 Live.
Smackdown Tag Team Championship: This build up of the Bludgeon Bros better lead to a major upset because this is dang exhausting.
Ronda's match: I think she overdoes the taunting a bit during the match and I heard her call some spots. Its fun to watch bullies get justice in a story, but you're disrespecting every other woman that worked their way to get signed by WWE. A side note. Glam Squad needs to stop.
Highlights of the night:
These are my favorite moments. Again, if you don't like it. Get bent.
Smackdown Women's Championship match: This was a great match, and sadly, my girl Mella lost her title, but I'm even more sad it wasn't to Becky. I love watching these women wrestle though, and they're so good. Even Mella. Yes. You who tweets her that she cant wrestle and hassles her on Instagram, she can wrestle. The pop for Becky when she turned on Charlotte was huge. It was awesome to watch Becky walk out with her head held high.
Ronda's makeup: On the flip side, the memes that surged out of this travesty of a look were hilarious. Everything from comparisons to Mac as Nightman, The Coon on South Park, Black Swan, and even Kameron Michaels of Ru Paul's Drag Race were all over social media.
Finn Balor the Demon vs Constable Baron Corbin: Shut up, I know. You're sick of me. This was a cool match and moment of the night. (I know everyone said it should be pre-show but that paint job takes like, 4 hours, you guys.) I also think as far as everything goes, this match shows a lot just in what happened without words being said. Finn absolutely squashed Baron after being humiliated and squashed by Baron a few times. Finn is always matched evenly with Roman, Seth, and even Cena, but I think this Demon could even keep up with the Monster among men. Furthermore, we haven't seen the Demon in 301 days since the Bullet Club match at TLC in October last year. This paint was absolutely cool and terrifying in the details and shading, and this Demon was absolutely unhinged.
Regardless of the match/story stuff, obviously Finn is a BIG comic book fan, and in the past he's cosplayed multiple characters between DC, Marvel and horror movies. Venom comes out in October, and I'm not saying, but I'm saying I think Finn is really excited for Venom.
I am very excited for this movie too, so I loved this demon paint.
Daniel Bryan vs the Miz: This was the really cool part of all this build up for a really fun match and I hope this isn't the last we get of this. I just don't want it to reach Ciampa/ Gargano levels.
Samoa Joe: Look. AJ may have won this match, but Wendy absolutely demanded to speak to a manager during the taping of this PPV. In an absolute power move, Joe said "I'll be your new daddy" and there is no coming back from that. Frankly, Joe is one of the best on the mic and I cant wait to see this feud hopefully end up with Joe getting that championship.
The Universal Title Match: It happened. Its like the universe clicked back into place and we're in the good timeline again. Brock clearly has been in the testing pool for the UFC because his pecks were flabbier than a flat tire. The title is finally back on TV again week after week. Its over. Its so nice. Finn even got his rematch, and in that, I'm a pretty happy girl.
It's SummerSlam time and, despite the fact that I've barely seen any WWE TV in many months, here is my preview of the show!
SummerSlam is the second-biggest WWE event of the year (until Saudi Arabia decides it wants to host The Greatest SummerSlam, I guess) and it's typically a good show, so I'm relatively excited for it, despite how long it will be.
Of course, because it's a WWE show in 2018, I'm terrified of how badly they will screw it up, but I'm trying to ignore those feelings and enjoy the show, when all I really want to do is celebrate the 20th anniversary of SummerSlam 1998 because how awesome was that Highway to Hell promo for the Austin/Undertaker match and... sorry, back on topic.
But seriously.
Okay, honestly back on topic now.
WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
The B-Team (Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel) (c) vs. The Revival (Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson)
Oh God this is going to be a long show. I want to say The Revival, but this is WWE, so The Revival never wins.
Mixed tag team match
Rusev and Lana vs. Andrade "Cien" Almas and Zelina Vega
This is WWE, so Rusev never wins.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Cedric Alexander (c) vs. Drew Gulak
I'm already sick of this show. Sorry. Is this a terrible preview, sure, but I'm not going to watch the 32 hours of weekly programming that WWE puts out so I can predict a cruiserweight title match that the company itself doesn't care about.
WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship
The Bludgeon Brothers (Harper and Rowan) (c) vs. The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, and/or Xavier Woods)
I remember when the tag team titles on both shows were potential highlights of the night? I guess the Bludgeons, but I have no idea where the SmackDown tag scene goes from here.
Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz
This feud has technically been building for years. It features one of the best faces in WWE today versus one of the best heels. Not even WWE can screw this up, can they? Right? No, they can't? Right? Right?
I say Miz wins via shenanigans.
Finn Bálor vs. Baron Corbin
Stop trying to make Baron Constable Corbin happen.
WWE United States Championship
Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
Shinsuke SHOULD win. Is his gimmick still "guy who hits people in the balls?"
Triple threat match for the WWE SmackDown Women's Championship
Carmella (c) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair
I'd like to see Becky take this.
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Dolph Ziggler (c) (with Drew McIntyre) vs. Seth Rollins (with Dean Ambrose)
How come everyone was outraged when they re-cast Razor Ramon and Diesel back in the day, but no one got upset when they hired someone else to play Dean Ambrose? Wait.... I'm being informed that it's the same Dean Ambrose, but he's apparently twice the size now. Okay then. Sorry.
Anyway, he'll turn on Seth and we'll hopefully get a really good Heel Ambrose out of this.
For the Money in the Bank Contract
Braun Strowman (MITB holder) vs. Kevin Owens
BRAAAAAAUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN
WWE Championship
AJ Styles (c) vs. Samoa Joe
It still feels weird that this is for the WWE Championship and not the TNA Championship. AJ has been a good champ, but it's time for a change and I'd like to see Samoa Joe (possibly the worst ring name in wrestling, don't @ me) win.
Imagine predicting that Samoa Joe would be WWE Champion five years ago.
WWE Raw Women's Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Ronda Rousey
I feel like Ronda will get screwed out of the title somehow so she can stay in the hunt for it.
WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns
Dear God, please, make this the last Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar match ever. Please. Just have Roman win and Lesnar leave and we can all forget this disaster. The crowd is going shit on this entire match, especially because it will come at the end of a five or six hour show. Hasn't WWE learned anything from the reaction at WrestleMania?
Just make it short and end it already. I'd like to see Roman win cleanly, but then get cashed in on by Braun and those two can feud again.
But, because this is WWE, my actual prediction is the match goes REALLY LONG and then Braun cashes in on Lesnar.
And there you have it! If you made it through reading this, congrats! SummerSlam will only be slightly more painful. Enjoy!
Wow, has it been two years? We've been wasting your time for TWO YEARS? Man, how time files!
In any event, that tweet from my dear bud Rick wasn't quite the genesis of this site, but it's the day we started writing out our rebooking scenarios for the Invasion angle (at some point, we'll finish those -- I swear). But two years on, we've had a lot of fun with this silliness -- and once or twice we've gotten serious with our work.
As I eat some cake in celebration, I know I can speak for both Rick and I in giving Jay a huge thanks. We've enjoyed her work, and she's brought an important voice to not only this silly site, but also to wrestling coverage in general. She's been great here, and we are grateful to have her on board. And we will fight anyone who says otherwise.
On a personal note, I wanted to thank our followers on Twitter, Facebook, Jay, and especially Rick for keeping my spirits up this past year. Last fall, I was wished "best luck in my future endeavors" by an employer -- a screenshot of the email I immediately sent to my wrestling-minded friends -- and I was rather bitter about it. The jokes about wrestling kept my spirits up, and now I have a much better job. So thanks to all of you for that.
In in the next year, we hope to add more writers and continue our tradition of irrelevant rants, jokes, and the occasional Hall of Shame. Rick is putting the finishing touches on his SummerSlam preview, and I'm planning to do a review of some independent shows here soon (hopefully I can post more once my schedule settles down). If you have any suggestions for us in terms of content or things you'd like to see us cover, send us a note on either Twitter or Facebook.
And in all sincerity, we thank you for reading. And shame on you for reading.
Brock Lesnar, when he wants to be, can be a good performer in the ring. Brock Lesnar is "an attraction" and he draws attention to WWE. When he returned and when he squashed John Cena and when he ended The Streak, those were big moments.
But Brock Lesnar is also getting progressively worse and worse in the ring and on TV. And he's rarely on TV to begin with. Now, that would be fine if he wasn't positioned as one of the company's biggest stars and the champion on its flagship show.
If he was an "attraction" like the Undertaker or John Cena these days, someone who came out for big matches or special shows, wrestled, and left, that would be fine. But that's not how WWE positions him. He's the world champion on Raw. So he should be doing more. Or he shouldn't be champion.
So while bros may love to cheer for him when he beats people up, and while they chant "ONE MORE TIME" when he attacks Roman Reigns (because girls like Roman Reigns and eewwwww girls are icky, or whatever) his presence on WWE TV is bad for the brand. And, since WWE is so big, what's bad for WWE is bad for all of wrestling.
And here are five reasons why.
The "Commentator Catch Phrase"
"Well, here comes the pain!" When Tazz used to say it years and years ago on SmackDown! it was a catchy thing that was unique to Lesnar. But it caught on and, now, years later, almost everyone has a similar phrase, with "It's Boss Time!" being the worst example. Is this Lesnar's fault? No, but you'll soon learn that much of the stuff on this list is tWWE's fault and it just happens to involve Lesnar, and this is one of those things. WWE realized that they could market Lesnar on a catch phrase and then spread it to the entire roster.
Both World Titles Mean Nothing
This is perhaps the biggest way he's ruining wrestling. Thanks to Brock Lesnar, the WWE Universal Title (which is the newest world title, with the least history, and therefore the one most in need of a strong champion) means basically nothing. He's rarely on TV, he rarely defends it, and when he does the storyline has more to do with "Beating Brock Lesnar" than winning the championship.
The Universal Title has become a prop that comes to the ring with Lesnar and not a championship. It's no different than Finn Balor wearing a jacket or AJ Styles having a hood, except way less cool because, I mean, look at it.
And he's not just killing the Universal Title either, he's killing the WWE Title at the same time. You remember the WWE title, right? The one that was so important to Vince McMahon that he stopped a match in the middle and named Shawn Michaels champion rather than risk Bret Hart leaving with the belt? Yeah, that one.
Because of all of the focus on Lesnar and the Universal Title, the WWE Title has been defended in the main event of a pay-per-view ONCE in 2018 (on February's Fastlane - the final single brand PPV). In fact, the Universal Title has only closed the show ONCE in 2018 as well (WrestleMania). That's ridiculous.
Outside of the Royal Rumbles (where the Royal Rumble match has traditionally closed the show), and other rare exceptions, the show should end with one of the world titles on the line. But, because Lesnar isn't there - and because WWE traditionally devalues the SmackDown world title - this hasn't happened. If WWE was ignoring the SmackDown title for the Raw title and the Raw title was, you know, actually defended, that would be one thing. But WWE is ignoring the SmackDown title for the Raw title that barely exists anymore.
Other Stars Can't be Built
Remember when, post-WrestleMania 30, Cesaro turned on Zeb Colter and joined Paul Heyman? Everyone thought that this was the beginning of a big push for Cesaro. And then Paul Heyman cut a promo that was all about Lesnar breaking the Undertaker's streak.
Now, Paul Heyman SHOULD have cut that promo, because Lesnar breaking The Streak was a HUGE deal. Of course, Lesnar wasn't there that night, so Heyman cut that promo standing beside Cesaro instead. This took all the attention away from Cesaro and put it on Lesnar, who wouldn't come back to TV for months. They killed Cesaro's push instantly because Brock Lesnar wasn't there.
That's a problem. WWE pushes Lesnar as their top guy and their "best wrestler" and yet he's never around to prove it. So, no matter how much someone else is built up on Raw (or SmackDown for that matter), they're still always going to be considered second-best at most, since they're not the Universal Champion. And they can't be the Universal Champion because LESNAR DOESN'T SHOW UP TO DEFEND THE TITLE.
His Push Undermines Everyone Else
"Legitimacy."
Since he returned to WWE, commentator and authority figures have said numerous times how "legitimate" Brock Lesnar is. What that means is "he can really fight since he was in UFC." But what does that say about nearly everyone else? They're just actors and Brock Lesnar is "real?" This is the sort of "shoot angle" that killed WCW.
Sure, most of the rest of the roster is made up of people who aren't "real fighters" but they're NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THAT ON THE SHOW! It's a show. We're supposed to "suspend disbelief" for a while and enjoy it for what it is. You don't see any TV shows bringing in Tom Hanks as a character and then continuously talking about how he's a "LEGITIMATE ACTOR" since he's won Oscars, because THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. He's a character on a TV show just like everyone else! Sure, call him tough or strong and mean or whatever you want, but don't continuously point out how he's "real" and everyone else is fake.
The "WWE Universe" is a TV universe. By calling Lesnar legitimate, they're saying "Everyone on this TV show is just acting. None of them can really fight. Except THIS GUY." They're doing it to build up Lesnar, but if that's the case, why should I care when Roman Reigns faces Braun Strowman, for example. They're not "real fighters" so what is there to care about in their match?
And that brings me to my last point.
He "Exposes the Business"
Now, I hate this term, because it's 2018 and everyone knows wrestling is scripted. But Lesnar and his recent run have taken this to a whole new level. EVERYONE knows that he has a contract where he only works limited dates. Everyone knew when he re-signed following WrestleMania. And everyone pays super close attention to every little detail of his agreement with WWE. This hurts the show because, except for a few rare instances, WWE doesn't really discuss contracts as part of official storylines. I have no idea when the contracts of AJ Styles or Braun Strowman or Finn Balor expire and, to be honest, I don't care.
But, with Lesnar, that's a huge part of how people discuss him. And that would even be fine if WWE scripted good storylines around his contract, but they don't. As per usual, WWE hasn't taken proper advantage of this situation very often.
If they explained why - in storyline terms - Brock Lesnar has such a favourable contract, that would be one thing. Instead, they just make all authority figure look weak and stupid because they can't tell Lesnar what to do while they can seemingly tell everyone else exactly what to do. Kurt Angle had to demand that Lesnar show up on TV because he hadn't done so in three months. That's ridiculous, if Kurt Angle has authority on Raw, why did he wait three months to ask Lesnar to show up? And why does it matter if he didn't want to show up?
WWE stripped Braun Strowman of the tag titles after his little kid partner couldn't wrestle. It didn't matter that Strowman didn't want to give up the titles, he had to listen to Kurt Angle's decision. But Lesnar seemingly doesn't. And they've never explained why not. They've hinted maybe that Heyman did a good job negotiating his contract or that he's such a huge star that he was able to get a special contract but, again, that undermines everyone else. It says that everyone else is bad at negotiating and that no one else is as big of a star as Lesnar.
Why couldn't someone like Kevin Owens sit at home until Angle did something about it? Why can't he pick his own opponents? Don't get me started on how the multi-man number one contender at Extreme Rules was cancelled because of a "contract dispute" with Lesnar. Why does Lesnar get to pick and choose his matches? Is it because everyone else is dumb and powerless? And is that the story WWE is trying to tell? That 99% of its roster sucks?
In Conclusion
Yes, this sounds like whiny complaints and, to an extent, that's true. WWE is more profitable than ever and they're getting paid approximately eighteen bajillion dollars to make Raw and SmackDown, so Lesnar clearly isn't killing the company. But he is killing my enjoyment of the product. And that matters to me. If Brock Lesnar leaves with the title at SummerSlam, that would be an extremely bad move.
Hello and welcome once again to the Wrestling Shame Hall of Shame. I'm "John Dos Passos," and I'm currently the head-archivist, curator, and chief public-liaison to the Hall, and I'm also the executor of Rick's estate.
Before we begin, I'd like to update everyone on the status of our new building. We are looking to break ground sometime in 2019 -- we will be located off Exit 119 in-between the recently burned-down Perkins and Gary's Discount Pornography Warehouse -- but we are still waiting for final approval from the city.
Also, yes -- we did have to let Buff Bagwell go as our security guard. We have a very strict attendance policy. Of course, none of us remember hiring him in the first place. He just showed up. Actually, we never paid him either: pretty sure that makes us qualified to run a wrestling promotion, am I right folks?
*crickets*
So for our Summer Exhibition this year, we want to take a look back at odd gimmicks. Professional wrestling is full of them to be sure, but specifically we wanted to examine those gimmicks that famous wrestlers were once saddled with. But before we begin, we need to establish some ground rules. The gimmicks you see here are not slight tweaks to characters, such as Macho Man's weird Lothario-time in late-period WCW or the Rock's face and heel turns. These are complete repackingings of wrestlers with different names OR wrestlers who had odd gimmicks prior to becoming famous. Also, we are defining "famous" wrestlers as wrestlers that we feel are fairly well-known within the wrestling community.
Finally, we aren't including wrestlers who just, in essence, wore a mask under a new name: so no American Dragon, no Spider, no Red River Jack, no Mr. America, etc.
Goldust (Dustin Rhodes): Seven
I think we can all agree that Dustin Rhodes has had an interesting career (and also an interesting history of being fired --- which might be the basis for our next exhibit). The person perhaps best known as Goldust in the WWE also shuttled back-and-forth between that company and WCW throughout the 1990s. So when he returned to WCW in 1999 after becoming disillusioned with the WWE,....
*sees a dozen hands raise.*
Okay, I anticipated these questions, so here goes:
Yes, this was during the time his dad had been fired from WCW.
Yes, he was given a weird Sting / Undertaker / Goldust persona.
Yes, he dismissed it during his introduction.
No, I have no clue as to whether it was a worked-shoot or a shoot or a work or.....Look, it's just weird.
Kevin Nash: Oz
Next, we are going to examine Kevin Nash's most infamous pre-Kevin Nash gimmick. No, not Diesel. No, not Vinnie Vegas. And no, not one of the members of the Master Blasters. Yes, Oz. We've written about Oz before, but yes --- it was a wizard from Oz who isn't THAT Wizard of Oz but another wizard from Oz.
I didn't write about this in the first piece on Oz, but what why was there so much neon in pro wrestling in the early 1990s? When you think of Macho Man, Sting, or most wrestlers from this time period, what do you think of? Neon. How much neon does one promotion need?
Anyway, wrestling is the worst sometimes.
Dolph Ziggler: Nicky
Dolph Ziggler was once a member of the Spirit Squad named Nicky. I also don't give a shit. Moving on.
*tour group member raises hand*
HE OVERSELLS AND WORKS FOR FOX NEWS; SIT DOWN MARK!!!
*tour group member sheepishly puts down hand*
Bob Holly: Sparky Plug
In short, one of the toughest men in wrestling history initially appeared with the WWE as a race car driver. One named Sparky Plug. Not sure why Vince McMahon didn't have actual logos on Plug's attire. Talk about missed revenue streams!
Of course, we here at the Hall of Shame would never "sell-out" for corporate sponsorship.
*sips Gatorade* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....Gatorade! There's no Shame for refreshment!
Raven: Scotty Flamingo
Raven is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time, but his first jobs in major territories were -- uh, interesting. After working in the Northwest and elsewhere, Raven found work in WCW as a ....well, an arrogant surfer who never worked a day in his life (The less said about his Johnny Polo in WWF, the better).
Two quick notes: first, more damn neon; second, I miss wrestlers giving promos AFTER matches. It makes sense right? "I kicked this guy's ass and I'll do it again later!"
Having someone proclaim that he's better than the audience and is rich is a classic trope of the wrestling heel, but this doesn't work for a lot of reasons. It all seems inauthentic -- Raven would later say as such -- but I also don't think it works because before he talks, Raven seems to channel Kids in the Hall member Bruce McCullough's face. I half-expect Raven to start singing "These are the Daves I know" in his promo.
In short, Raven is the best.
D-Von Dudley: Reverend D-Von
If you were to name the top starts of ECW, the Dudley Boys would be at the top of that list. But in 2002, the WWE rebranded D-Von as the Reverend D-Von --- a heel preacher who would condemn fans and then have his Deacon Batista --- HEY, A BONUS GIMMICK --- collect money for D-Von's church.
You might be saying "John, isn't this a slight tweak to D-Von Dudley?" To that I would say, "No, clearly it's not. Don't be stupid. It's a totally new gimmick. It's not a minor tweak: it's a character with a new backstory and approach."
A lot of fans hate this gimmick, but to be honest, I really like it. D-Von sells it really well and he was always so good at drawing heat. Related, what does it say about an ultra-conservative company like the WWE that whenever someone adopts a religious persona --- Brother Love, D-Von Dudley, CM Punk and The Straight Edge Society --- they are almost always heels?
Wayne Ferris: Honky Tonk Man
So this might be controversial, but can we all admit the Honky Tonk Man was a weird gimmick? I mean, yes, he was one of the best heels during the 1980s, but as someone who is a fan of 1970s Memphis wrestling, it's weird to see Wayne Ferris as a Elvis impersonator wrestler. But sometimes that's the bargain wrestlers had (and continue to have to) to make in order to be on one of the major wrestling promotions.
But it's an Elvis gimmick. He's Elvis. Elvis -- especially the Vegas-Elvis of this character --- isn't actually scary.
Also please note this: I'm not bashing Wayne Ferris at all. Respect to you sir. Actually, please don't tell him we wrote about him at all. But if you are Wayne Ferris, and you do read this, please bash only Rick in the shoot video.
Fake Diesel / Isaac Yankem, Dentist: Kane
As a gimmick, Kane *almost* qualifies for inclusion on this list --- well, any version of Kane post 1999 or so. We've seen Fake Kane, maskless Kane, Good Kane, Not-So-Good-Kane, Corporate Kane, Mayoral Candidate Kane, HR Representative Kane, Legal Clerk Kane, Sous-Chef Kane, etc, etc, etc.
But Glenn Jacobs has done worse. Like Buff Bagwell and The Shockmaster, Jacobs is now a two-time inductee into the Hall of Shame. Earlier this year, we inducted him as Fake Diesel -- which if you don't know the story of, you really should -- and we are also inducting him for Isaac Yankem, Jerry Lawler's personal dentist who the King would use in his incredibly stupid feud with Bret Hart in 1995 (a feud that also featured William Shatner).
There's a lot of shame all around here -- Jacob's teeth, the dentist drill-heavy theme song, his scrubs -- but the fact that a wrestling company thought a dentist character would inspire fear in its audience is....
*looks at the teeth of the Hall of Shame tour group*
Moving on....
HHH: Jean-Paul Levesque
One of the fascinating things about professional wrestling gimmicks is how sometimes wrestlers adapt those personas as needed: in some cases, wrestlers barely shift their central characters and move naturally between heel and face --- Ric Flair, CM Punk, Randy Savage, Nick Bockwinkel, etc. --- while others morph their personas with the changing times. I would put HHH into this later category: in the WWE, he's moved from "The Connecticut Blueblood" to DX to "The Game" to Evolution to The Authority, all while basically being, in essence, the same character.
But let's talk about his time in WCW. First as Terror-Rising -- which I can't seem to find consistent spelling of --- and then Jean-Paul Levesque. There's so much wonderfully shameful about this character, but the accent -- which may be the worst French accent in human history --- puts it over the top. Clearly, HHH went to the Tommy Wisseau School of Accents and Acting.
Incidentally, "Levesque" translates from French to mean "self-important dick who marries the boss's daughter and will always put-over himself and his pals and then present himself as a savior of a company to marks by promoting an alternate brand but then bury those wrestlers on the main roster."
Spartacus
Okay, there's no image for this one, but imagine taking one of the most famous wrestlers in the world and telling him to shave his head, drop his persona, and become adopt a Roman gladiator gimmick?
If you think that's a good idea, then you're very likely Jim Herd.
The backstory to this is that Herd, who was actively trying to make WCW more family-friendly or something, and tried to convince Flair to drop the "Nature Boy" gimmick and.....yeah, no, it doesn't make a lick of sense. Flair hated the idea, and would be in the WWF a few months after this.
But just try and imagine how this would have gone over with the fans.
Kerwin White / Chavo Guerrero Jr.
In academic circles, there is a lot of discussion about the problematic nature of race and performance. When considering a performance like Chavo Guerrero Jr's "Kerwin White," it might be helpful to ask if such a portrayal is meant as a post-postmodern critique of race itself. As a Latino American wrestler, is Guerrero Jr. actively satirizing the dominant culture's view of both"whiteness" and "Latino?"
*rubs chin contemplatively*
Orrrrrrrrrr this is a character borne from the mind of a wrestling company that has shown itself to be consistently racist and xenophobic and is willing to humiliate an accomplished performer based on whims of an egomaniac with a sixth grade-level of humor.
This is a perfect example of the problem of a lot of these portrayals: talented wrestlers are often forced to go along with these representations because, in the words of Guerrero Jr, you can either embrace this or look for work elsewhere. But literally "whiting" a person of color in order to advance a cheap joke is embarrassing on a number of levels.
Goobledy Gooker / Hector Guerrero
Speaking of embarrassing a member of the Guerrero family...
We end the exhibit on a lighter note as we revisit the infamous Goobledy Gooker. A lot of our visitors recall this entire sequence: the build-up, the egg, the reveal, the over-the-top selling of Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper, Guerrero, Okerland, the fact that it was supposed to be a mascot for kids but was only relevant at Thanksgiving....
But Vince McMahon is a genius. Right.
There's a great interview with Hector Guerrero from Mental Floss about the character, which I recommend reading here. After Dusty Rhodes praised Guerrero to McMahon, he reached out to the uncle of Chavo Jr and had him to a tryout in costume. Guerrero still believes the concept could have worked, but feels it was sabotaged by the company: in particular, he details the vicious entrance of his character at Madison Square Garden.
So there we have it: our second annual summer exhibit here at the Hall of Shame. We hope you enjoyed it, and if there are any we missed, let us know at @wrestlingshame. On your way out, please don't forget to stop by the gift shop and buy your Roman Reigns t-shirt! Sooo shameful!
You hate that you know exactly what this is about, don't you?
I attended Extreme Rules Sunday, so this recap is a bit different, than what you're used to. I didn't have to listen to Saxton or Coach or Michael Cole all evening, so I had that as a positive. The only TV clip that I think we even saw "backstage" was the Bludgeon Bros taking out Team Hell No behind the scenes. How dare they dent a door in Mario's house for a gimmick!
I had high hopes for this PPV, I really did, and it was pretty good up until the Reigns/Lashley match, honestly. That's when this event got stale and the seat started to get uncomfortable.
Things started off strong in the pre-show match because the New Day always delivers the best, and Cien and Sin Cara was full of action. The B Team being the Cinderella story was everything I wanted and I was so happy to see them win because they're fun to watch. The entire arena was on their feet when Braun had a hold of Kevin on top of that steel cage. If you ask me, that was an absolutely beautiful tribute to Hell in a Cell from 20 years ago. I feel like PPG Paints is properly christened, because like Carmella and the importance of the number two, its had TWO Stanley Cup winning seasons, and now Kevin Owens went through a table.
Speaking of Carmella, I think that's when the crowd really started to get disinterested. If not for Ellsworth, I don't think anything about that match would've been entertaining. Roman and Bobby was a thing, I got heckled by neck beard smarks in Bullet Club shirts for cheering for Roman, as well as cheering for Finn earlier in the night. But I mean, what do you expect from a guy in a Cody Rhodes shirt? He probably doesn't know any Bullet Club pre-AJ coming to WWE. These are probably the same guys who @ Carmella on twitter and tell her how much she sucks while jamming to her bop of a theme when she comes out. Sincerely, please don't be that fan at a wrestling show. Let people have their fun. Especially women. I would happily sit surrounded by kids having fun, than guys who want to prove they think they're cooler than they actually are.
"This PPV won't even be extreme...WAIT THAT'S TOO MUCH!"
The only extreme rules match we got was pretty short lived and just had items thrown around the ring, but be honest, we all expected shenanigans to happen with Ronda being there. So another title was retained, but thankfully it was Rusev day and how could anyone be anything by hype for that. Unfortunately, AJ Styles ruined Rusev day and he retained to an incredibly bored crowd.
I was really looking forward to seeing Team Hell No. I mean, who wouldn't be? And the crowd chanted for Kane the entire time. He barely made an appearance and yet the Bludgeon Bros are now the Brock Lesnars of the Smackdown Tag division.
Now comes the fun part.
You don't want to read this. I know that. But I was there and I had to endure it, so you're stuck with me. Things started off okay. I only really paid attention to the large Scottish man hanging out ringside because Im absolutely bored with Seth Rollins (I don't discredit hes a great wrestler, I'm just not a big fan) and Dolph, but then something happened. One side of the arena started counting and made the buzzer noise. It was faint and people laughed and we moved on. A few minutes pass after a pin, and it happens again, a little louder. This continues for at least four more minutes. The clock disappears. I check twitter. Rick is losing his goddamn mind on the Wrestling Shame twitter account as is the entirety of every Penguins fan who likes wrestling on hockey twitter. Wes Crosby got retweeted into my feed. I didn't even know he liked wrestling.
The clock came back and it still persisted. I laughed the entire time because well, what else can you do?
By the time Kurt came out, it was so incredibly rushed to just get this damn thing over with. Sure, you can blame the crowd, but the card was stacked to get bored really quick. They decided to co-brand pay per views and I hope maybe after next years mania they go back because this shit is just too damn long and were unable to build up great story lines and feuds between pay per views each month. Pittsburgh has hosted 4 Iron Man matches. Maybe give us something different? I agree, it was disrespectful to Seth and Dolph, but this was WWE's set up and their fault in the end. If Seth ultimately won, I think that could've really gotten a good reaction from the crowd, but instead everyone left kind of pissed off and really damn tired.
There was a really great Matt Hardy cosplayer though. Walk, laugh, and personality perfected.
Would I go to another PPV again? Absolutely. I had a blast as crap as some of it was, but I love wrestling and I have fun regardless. Id like to sit a little closer though, but PPG Paints is an expensive venue for everything.
It feels like Wrestlemania was ages ago, but to be fair, it was still snowing a week or two before the Greatest Royal Rumble here in Western Pennsylvania. I hibernated until the sun came out in mid June and Money in the Bank happened. That was pretty fun, but now back to our regularly scheduled nonsense.
So, you dropped out from Summer Slam.
What the heck happened? First the event time changes to 6:30 on the official event in May, Kurt announces Brock will not be at Summer Slam, and ol' chicken leg himself shows up on UFC to say he would be back in November to challenge. I wonder how long this was in the works before they ditched the 6 man match and started working on individual feuds? I am actually really stoked for this PPV, because the card seems great so far. Sincerely.
Rick: HEY LOOK IT'S ME! I'VE BARELY SEEN WRESTLING IN MONTHS BUT HERE ARE MY OPINIONS!!!!! WHAT YEAR IS IT!?
Roman Reigns vs. Bobby Lashley
Jay: A battle of the egos is fun, but, I, myself will have more fun laughing at big man babies whining about Roman in my section upstairs at PPG Paints. If you didn't guess I'd be cheering for Roman, you haven't met me. And I think a win for Roman would set him up nicely to take that pretty red belt from Brock for Braun to cash in on. Good riddance, Brock. Maybe you can focus on leg day for once on those 4 days you actually show up for WWE.
Rick: We get it. You guys like to boo Roman. It's boring now. Speaking of boring, why was anyone excited when Bobby Lashley returned?
Jay: Ramen noodle hair will probably retain because of Drew. The three of these guys plus Roman have been really hinting at a Shield comeback for the last few weeks. If Dean shows up, I'm throwing my beer. Rick: Dolph Ziggler has probably set some sort of swimming record for how long he's been treading water. What is "extreme" about this show anyway?
Jay: It's RUSEV DAY! Rick: AJ Styles is really great, but it would be a huge moment if Rusev won the title here. So, of course, he won't and AJ will hold it until - I dunno - Brock Lesnar decides he wants to hold two belts. You'd think they'd place a bunch of importance on the WWE Title since it's the oldest of the world titles and, you know, it's actually defended sometimes, but no.
Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss: Extreme Rules match for the WWE Raw Women's Championship
Jay: I am so tired. Ronda absolutely gets involved, and I can't wait to see what happens. She has been working house shows and putting in the time, so I retract what I said about her, because she seems to really want to be involved in WWE. My bad.
Rick: So.... is Nia a face again? What is going on? She had a perfectly good face run leading up to defeating Bliss at WrestleMania and then she turned heel to face Ronda and then turned face again to again go up against Bliss? Nia being a face, beating Bliss, then falling to a MITB cash-in against Bliss would have been a good story without jamming the Ronda Rousey stuff in there. I like Ronda Rousey, but that brief Nia heel turn wasn't needed. Note: Once again a women's title feud is the most interesting part of the show.
Jay: Look, regardless of who wins this match I am happy because I love both of these women so much. Mella does not need Ellsworth, she is doing just fine on her own.
Rick: Ellsworth is back? I'm pretty sure I predicted this a while ago. I have no idea. Maybe Charlotte Flair wins somehow?
Jay: First of all, I love Bo dragging his brother's shitty fashion sense and secondly, I would love to see the wholesome good B Team boys come out with the titles.
Rick: How long is this pay-per-view going to be, seriously???
Jay: How fitting to bring Kane back to the city where he made such wild history twenty years later. I only hate to say that the old, dilapidated, and sacred Igloo where Hell in a Cell happened, is now a f*cking parking lot and an exit to an HOV lane.
Rick: Daniel Bryan is "injured" during the middle of the match and the whole thing happens without him. Then he's demoted to dark matches and THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEERING FOR HIM DAMMIT!!
Finn Balor vs. Baron Corbin
Jay: I like this match for the underdog feel and I really really hope Finn gets to come out on top. This is the part of the PPV you don't want to check my twitter. Sorry bout it.
Rick: Do I still hate Baron Corbin? Imagine an alternate world where Finn is battling Roman for the Universal Title (remember the Universal Title? No? Me neither.)
Jay: Brother Nero better have some cool paint! Give Shin some hardware!
Rick: Shinsuke deserves a win here - and a title.
Kevin Owens vs Braun Strowman: Steel Cage Match(?)
Jay: As I write this I currently believe this is going to be a Steel Cage match based on the commercials I've seen on TV. I'm all in on KO on this one.
By the way, I will be at this event in person, and having a really great time regardless of who wins anything. Follow me on twitter for cool photos and live commentary, or if you're there, come say hi. Ill be upstairs in section 202 Row B on the end. Rick: Imagine an alternate world where Kevin Owens is battling Braun Strowman for the Universal Title (remember the Universal Title? No? Me neither.)
Today we found out that wrestling legend Vader passed away after a bout of pneumonia. For younger fans, it might be hard to understand how big Vader was in the early 1990s: the former NFL player had honed his skills in the AWA and then Japan before rising to prominence in the US with his time in WCW. He had feuds with the likes of Sting, Cactus Jack, Davey Boy Smith, and Ric Flair. After a locker-room brawl with Paul Ornderf, Vader returned to Japan for a time, and then debuted in the WWF.
And then...well....
So as an honor to Big Bad Vader, I thought I would crank out a short What-If-Wednesday about his time in the WWF --- a period in Vader's career where he appeared to be headed for bigger things, but ultimately was under-utilized by the company.
Brief note: I've actually been thinking about this piece since we debuted this feature, but just never got around to finishing it.
One could make a case that Vader had perhaps one of the best debuts in WWE history: after being heavily promoted by the company, he debuted at the 1996 Royal Rumble and made quick-work of a good deal of the roster. He then attacked Gorrilla Moonsoon on Raw the next night and was suspended (in reality to give him time for shoulder surgery), but Vader immediately got heat and attention for not only nearly winning the Rumble, but also manhandling an authority figure. Ya know, before it happened on a weekly basis and before authority figures were Randian assholes who never got their just deserts. *looks in the direction of the WWE*
While Vader healed, the company promoted the idea of Vader going against Yokozuna at that year's Wrestlemania but instead had Vader face the "Japanese" giant in a six-man tag match while Shawn Michaels faced Bret Hart and Diesel faced the Undertaker. It's here where things get complicated: Diesel and Razor Ramon were getting ready to leave the company, so Michaels would face Diesel over the course of the next few months while Vader would face-off in a match against Ramon (which was fine) and then feud with Yokozuna (partly set-up by Vader beating Yokozuna so badly that the latter had to be fork-lifted to an ambulance). Vader would then enter a feud with Shawn Michaels for the championship at Summer Slam.
A lot of fans comment that the program with Shawn Michaels was were Vader's WWF career went off-the-rails, but the thing about all his high-profile matches to this point was that Vader wasn't exactly made to look strong: sure, he beat Yokozuna apart at times, but his match with Razon Ramon was fairly even (Ramon even kicked-out of a Vader Bomb finisher), and his match with Michaels -- while really good -- was marred by restarts, interference, and managerial distractions. By the end of the year, Vader was feuding with the Undertaker, and by the following year would get wrapped up in the weird USA - Canada feud, and by 1998, Vader was losing to Kane and became a glorified jobber.
Why is another question. For a lot of people, it was Michaels's reputation as a backstage-politician that ruined Vader's chances (Jim Cornette has often said as such, and there's probably a good deal of truth to that). But Vader also had a reputation as a stiff-worker --- he was involved in a number of matches where wrestlers were injured in WCW --- and allegedly Shawn Michaels condemned Vader for working too hard at a live-event (WCW had a much lighter travel schedule, so wrestlers tended to work harder in live events in that company). So perhaps there was some heat backstage on the big man.
But in another sense, Vader probably came to the WWF at possibly the worst time for long-term feuds. By the end of his first year, two of the company's bigger stars had gone to WCW and the company was in the process of transitioning into the Attitude Era WWF we all know and love. And one thing about the Attitude Era --- or the transition period from Late-Era The New Generation to the Attitude Era --- was that there weren't many strong heels and Vader could have been an excellent one. Instead, because of his 50 / 50 booking (in essence), he lost all momentum he had coming into the company within a year and a half.
So in my alternate timeline, I would offer a couple simple fixes. First, let me look like the total monster heel he could be. Keep the early booking as is -- big impression at the Royal Rumble, big Raw appearance, let him have the shoulder surgery --- and then let him be a vicious heel. Let him then fight Yokozuna at Wrestlemania (yes the match would be a slogfest, but a good one!), let him win, and then make sure whoever he wrestles next make him look good. No kick-outs from finishers. No managerial interference (actually some would be fine because Jim Cornette is great). But make him look legit in every sense of the word.
Also, have Vader win the Fatal Four Way at the previous In Your House PPV to face the Undertaker at Wrestlemania 1997. No Psycho Sid. Come on now.
