A SummerSlam Review: No hangovers from this party

"SummerSlam is a party!" -Renee Young

Indeed it was.

This was...fun? I am sincerely questioning why I don't feel burnt out after a Takeover Weekend and Monday Night Raw, with SmackDown about to start. 

To me, this may be the first PPV the main roster has put on in a long time that didn't feel overshadowed by a great Takeover the night before. Dont get me wrong, NXT has an absolutely high bar set and they continue to deliver every time, but I'm happy I actually enjoyed the product on a Sunday night.  The pacing was good, the match ups were good, and the shenanigans were minimum yet enjoyable, like Becky's (heel?) turn on Charlotte, and Braun showing up ringside for the Universal Title. 

As far as feuds go, with the Women's matches, I think a lot of this is building up towards Evolution, which, I am freakin' excited for, frankly. Its about damn time. After the pop for Becky turning on her best friend, and the make Ronda a face gimmick on Raw last night, it furthers my suspicion. 

Upsets of the night: 

These are my personal griefs. Yours might differ. Sorry 'bout it.

• Cedric retaining the Cruiserweight championship: Okay I know no one else around here watches 205 Live, but I will continue preaching that you all are sleeping on one of the best divisions in WWE. Drew Gulak has been building up amazing momentum. Is there more they want to do with Cedric? They've exhausted him vs Mustafa Ali. And at this point since they're ignoring Tony and Drew's beef, I don't know where else to go except I guess a title change on a random Tuesday night. Its a PPV. That's worthy of a title change-For a better 205 Live.

• Smackdown Tag Team Championship: This build up of the Bludgeon Bros better lead to a major upset because this is dang exhausting. 

• Ronda's match: I think she overdoes the taunting a bit during the match and I heard her call some spots. Its fun to watch bullies get justice in a story, but you're disrespecting every other woman that worked their way to get signed by WWE. A side note. Glam Squad needs to stop. 

Highlights of the night:

These are my favorite moments. Again, if you don't like it. Get bent.

• Smackdown Women's Championship match: This was a great match, and sadly, my girl Mella lost her title, but I'm even more sad it wasn't to Becky. I love watching these women wrestle though, and they're so good. Even Mella. Yes. You who tweets her that she cant wrestle and hassles her on Instagram, she can wrestle. The pop for Becky when she turned on Charlotte was huge. It was awesome to watch Becky walk out with her head held high.

• Ronda's makeup: On the flip side, the memes that surged out of this travesty of a look were hilarious. Everything from comparisons to Mac as Nightman, The Coon on South Park, Black Swan, and even Kameron Michaels of Ru Paul's Drag Race were all over social media.

• Finn Balor the Demon vs Constable Baron Corbin: Shut up, I know. You're sick of me. This was a cool match and moment of the night. (I know everyone said it should be pre-show but that paint job takes like, 4 hours, you guys.) I also think as far as everything goes, this match shows a lot just in what happened without words being said. Finn absolutely squashed Baron after being humiliated and squashed by Baron a few times. Finn is always matched evenly with Roman, Seth, and even Cena, but I think this Demon could even keep up with the Monster among men. Furthermore, we haven't seen the Demon in 301 days since the Bullet Club match at TLC in October last year. This paint was absolutely cool and terrifying in the details and shading, and this Demon was absolutely unhinged.

Regardless of the match/story stuff, obviously Finn is a BIG comic book fan, and in the past he's cosplayed multiple characters between DC, Marvel and horror movies. Venom comes out in October, and I'm not saying, but I'm saying I think Finn is really excited for Venom.

I am very excited for this movie too, so I loved this demon paint.

• Daniel Bryan vs the Miz: This was the really cool part of all this build up for a really fun match and I hope this isn't the last we get of this. I just don't want it to reach Ciampa/ Gargano levels.

• Samoa Joe: Look. AJ may have won this match, but Wendy absolutely demanded to speak to a manager during the taping of this PPV. In an absolute power move, Joe said "I'll be your new daddy" and there is no coming back from that. Frankly, Joe is one of the best on the mic and I cant wait to see this feud hopefully end up with Joe getting that championship. 

• The Universal Title Match: It happened. Its like the universe clicked back into place and we're in the good timeline again. Brock clearly has been in the testing pool for the UFC because his pecks were flabbier than a flat tire. The title is finally back on TV again week after week. Its over. Its so nice. Finn even got his rematch, and in that, I'm a pretty happy girl.

If you don't like Roman, you cant sit with us.

(Rick and I, that is.)

Here is @Rick_City With a #WWE #SummerSlam Preview Despite Watching Basically No WWE TV for Months

It's SummerSlam time and, despite the fact that I've barely seen any WWE TV in many months, here is my preview of the show! 

SummerSlam is the second-biggest WWE event of the year (until Saudi Arabia decides it wants to host The Greatest SummerSlam, I guess) and it's typically a good show, so I'm relatively excited for it, despite how long it will be. 

Of course, because it's a WWE show in 2018, I'm terrified of how badly they will screw it up, but I'm trying to ignore those feelings and enjoy the show, when all I really want to do is celebrate the 20th anniversary of SummerSlam 1998 because how awesome was that Highway to Hell promo for the Austin/Undertaker match and... sorry, back on topic.

But seriously.

Okay, honestly back on topic now.

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship

The B-Team (Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel) (c) vs. The Revival (Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson)

Oh God this is going to be a long show. I want to say The Revival, but this is WWE, so The Revival never wins. 

Mixed tag team match

Rusev and Lana vs. Andrade "Cien" Almas and Zelina Vega

This is WWE, so Rusev never wins. 

WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Cedric Alexander (c) vs. Drew Gulak

I'm already sick of this show. Sorry. Is this a terrible preview, sure, but I'm not going to watch the 32 hours of weekly programming that WWE puts out so I can predict a cruiserweight title match that the company itself doesn't care about. 

WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship

The Bludgeon Brothers (Harper and Rowan) (c) vs. The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, and/or Xavier Woods)

I remember when the tag team titles on both shows were potential highlights of the night? I guess the Bludgeons, but I have no idea where the SmackDown tag scene goes from here. 

Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz

This feud has technically been building for years. It features one of the best faces in WWE today versus one of the best heels. Not even WWE can screw this up, can they? Right? No, they can't? Right? Right? 

I say Miz wins via shenanigans.

Finn Bálor vs. Baron Corbin

Stop trying to make Baron Constable Corbin happen.

WWE United States Championship

Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

Shinsuke SHOULD win. Is his gimmick still "guy who hits people in the balls?" 

Triple threat match for the WWE SmackDown Women's Championship

Carmella (c) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair

I'd like to see Becky take this. 

WWE Intercontinental Championship

Dolph Ziggler (c) (with Drew McIntyre) vs. Seth Rollins (with Dean Ambrose)

How come everyone was outraged when they re-cast Razor Ramon and Diesel back in the day, but no one got upset when they hired someone else to play Dean Ambrose? Wait.... I'm being informed that it's the same Dean Ambrose, but he's apparently twice the size now. Okay then. Sorry. 

Anyway, he'll turn on Seth and we'll hopefully get a really good Heel Ambrose out of this.

For the Money in the Bank Contract

Braun Strowman (MITB holder) vs. Kevin Owens

BRAAAAAAUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN

WWE Championship

AJ Styles (c) vs. Samoa Joe

It still feels weird that this is for the WWE Championship and not the TNA Championship. AJ has been a good champ, but it's time for a change and I'd like to see Samoa Joe (possibly the worst ring name in wrestling, don't @ me) win. 

Imagine predicting that Samoa Joe would be WWE Champion five years ago. 

WWE Raw Women's Championship

Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Ronda Rousey

I feel like Ronda will get screwed out of the title somehow so she can stay in the hunt for it. 

WWE Universal Championship

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns

Dear God, please, make this the last Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar match ever. Please. Just have Roman win and Lesnar leave and we can all forget this disaster. The crowd is going shit on this entire match, especially because it will come at the end of a five or six hour show. Hasn't WWE learned anything from the reaction at WrestleMania? 

Just make it short and end it already. I'd like to see Roman win cleanly, but then get cashed in on by Braun and those two can feud again. 

But, because this is WWE, my actual prediction is the match goes REALLY LONG and then Braun cashes in on Lesnar. 

And there you have it! If you made it through reading this, congrats! SummerSlam will only be slightly more painful. Enjoy! 

Happy Second Birthday to Us!!!

@JohnDosPassos2 Happy 2 year anniversary, @WrestlingShame! pic.twitter.com/6ODaxUfZgi

— Rick (@Rick_City) August 14, 2018

Wow, has it been two years? We've been wasting your time for TWO YEARS? Man, how time files!

In any event, that tweet from my dear bud Rick wasn't quite the genesis of this site, but it's the day we started writing out our rebooking scenarios for the Invasion angle (at some point, we'll finish those -- I swear). But two years on, we've had a lot of fun with this silliness -- and once or twice we've gotten serious with our work.

In the past year, we've done some of our most memorable work: Jay commented on the problematic introduction of Ronda Rousey (which sparked a lengthy online debate), Rick lamented on the struggles of following the WWE in the era of Donald Trump, and I --- well, I merged some wrestler promos with poems. I also wrote a guide to a wrestling-themed Halloween movie marathon in which the director of one of the films I mocked commented on our website. Awkward. Hell, we even produced some merchandise!

As I eat some cake in celebration, I know I can speak for both Rick and I in giving Jay a huge thanks. We've enjoyed her work, and she's brought an important voice to not only this silly site, but also to wrestling coverage in general. She's been great here, and we are grateful to have her on board. And we will fight anyone who says otherwise.

On a personal note, I wanted to thank our followers on Twitter, Facebook, Jay, and especially Rick for keeping my spirits up this past year. Last fall, I was wished "best luck in my future endeavors" by an employer -- a screenshot of the email I immediately sent to my wrestling-minded friends -- and I was rather bitter about it. The jokes about wrestling kept my spirits up, and now I have a much better job. So thanks to all of you for that.

In in the next year, we hope to add more writers and continue our tradition of irrelevant rants, jokes, and the occasional Hall of Shame. Rick is putting the finishing touches on his SummerSlam preview, and I'm planning to do a review of some independent shows here soon (hopefully I can post more once my schedule settles down). If you have any suggestions for us in terms of content or things you'd like to see us cover, send us a note on either Twitter or Facebook.

And in all sincerity, we thank you for reading. And shame on you for reading.

Five Ways Brock Lesnar is Ruining Wrestling

Brock Lesnar, when he wants to be, can be a good performer in the ring. Brock Lesnar is "an attraction" and he draws attention to WWE. When he returned and when he squashed John Cena and when he ended The Streak, those were big moments.

But Brock Lesnar is also getting progressively worse and worse in the ring and on TV. And he's rarely on TV to begin with. Now, that would be fine if he wasn't positioned as one of the company's biggest stars and the champion on its flagship show.

If he was an "attraction" like the Undertaker or John Cena these days, someone who came out for big matches or special shows, wrestled, and left, that would be fine. But that's not how WWE positions him. He's the world champion on Raw. So he should be doing more. Or he shouldn't be champion.

So while bros may love to cheer for him when he beats people up, and while they chant "ONE MORE TIME" when he attacks Roman Reigns (because girls like Roman Reigns and eewwwww girls are icky, or whatever) his presence on WWE TV is bad for the brand. And, since WWE is so big, what's bad for WWE is bad for all of wrestling.

And here are five reasons why.

The "Commentator Catch Phrase"

"Well, here comes the pain!" When Tazz used to say it years and years ago on SmackDown! it was a catchy thing that was unique to Lesnar. But it caught on and, now, years later, almost everyone has a similar phrase, with "It's Boss Time!" being the worst example. Is this Lesnar's fault? No, but you'll soon learn that much of the stuff on this list is tWWE's fault and it just happens to involve Lesnar, and this is one of those things. WWE realized that they could market Lesnar on a catch phrase and then spread it to the entire roster.

Both World Titles Mean Nothing

This is perhaps the biggest way he's ruining wrestling. Thanks to Brock Lesnar, the WWE Universal Title (which is the newest world title, with the least history, and therefore the one most in need of a strong champion) means basically nothing. He's rarely on TV, he rarely defends it, and when he does the storyline has more to do with "Beating Brock Lesnar" than winning the championship.

The Universal Title has become a prop that comes to the ring with Lesnar and not a championship. It's no different than Finn Balor wearing a jacket or AJ Styles having a hood, except way less cool because, I mean, look at it.

And he's not just killing the Universal Title either, he's killing the WWE Title at the same time. You remember the WWE title, right? The one that was so important to Vince McMahon that he stopped a match in the middle and named Shawn Michaels champion rather than risk Bret Hart leaving with the belt? Yeah, that one.

Because of all of the focus on Lesnar and the Universal Title, the WWE Title has been defended in the main event of a pay-per-view ONCE in 2018 (on February's Fastlane - the final single brand PPV). In fact, the Universal Title has only closed the show ONCE in 2018 as well (WrestleMania). That's ridiculous.

Outside of the Royal Rumbles (where the Royal Rumble match has traditionally closed the show), and other rare exceptions, the show should end with one of the world titles on the line. But, because Lesnar isn't there - and because WWE traditionally devalues the SmackDown world title - this hasn't happened. If WWE was ignoring the SmackDown title for the Raw title and the Raw title was, you know, actually defended, that would be one thing. But WWE is ignoring the SmackDown title for the Raw title that barely exists anymore.

Other Stars Can't be Built

Remember when, post-WrestleMania 30, Cesaro turned on Zeb Colter and joined Paul Heyman? Everyone thought that this was the beginning of a big push for Cesaro. And then Paul Heyman cut a promo that was all about Lesnar breaking the Undertaker's streak.

Now, Paul Heyman SHOULD have cut that promo, because Lesnar breaking The Streak was a HUGE deal. Of course, Lesnar wasn't there that night, so Heyman cut that promo standing beside Cesaro instead. This took all the attention away from Cesaro and put it on Lesnar, who wouldn't come back to TV for months. They killed Cesaro's push instantly because Brock Lesnar wasn't there.

That's a problem. WWE pushes Lesnar as their top guy and their "best wrestler" and yet he's never around to prove it. So, no matter how much someone else is built up on Raw (or SmackDown for that matter), they're still always going to be considered second-best at most, since they're not the Universal Champion. And they can't be the Universal Champion because LESNAR DOESN'T SHOW UP TO DEFEND THE TITLE.

His Push Undermines Everyone Else

"Legitimacy."

Since he returned to WWE, commentator and authority figures have said numerous times how "legitimate" Brock Lesnar is. What that means is "he can really fight since he was in UFC." But what does that say about nearly everyone else? They're just actors and Brock Lesnar is "real?" This is the sort of "shoot angle" that killed WCW.

Sure, most of the rest of the roster is made up of people who aren't "real fighters" but they're NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THAT ON THE SHOW! It's a show. We're supposed to "suspend disbelief" for a while and enjoy it for what it is. You don't see any TV shows bringing in Tom Hanks as a character and then continuously talking about how he's a "LEGITIMATE ACTOR" since he's won Oscars, because THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. He's a character on a TV show just like everyone else! Sure, call him tough or strong and mean or whatever you want, but don't continuously point out how he's "real" and everyone else is fake.

The "WWE Universe" is a TV universe. By calling Lesnar legitimate, they're saying "Everyone on this TV show is just acting. None of them can really fight. Except THIS GUY." They're doing it to build up Lesnar, but if that's the case, why should I care when Roman Reigns faces Braun Strowman, for example. They're not "real fighters" so what is there to care about in their match?

And that brings me to my last point.

He "Exposes the Business"

Now, I hate this term, because it's 2018 and everyone knows wrestling is scripted. But Lesnar and his recent run have taken this to a whole new level. EVERYONE knows that he has a contract where he only works limited dates. Everyone knew when he re-signed following WrestleMania. And everyone pays super close attention to every little detail of his agreement with WWE. This hurts the show because, except for a few rare instances, WWE doesn't really discuss contracts as part of official storylines. I have no idea when the contracts of AJ Styles or Braun Strowman or Finn Balor expire and, to be honest, I don't care.

But, with Lesnar, that's a huge part of how people discuss him. And that would even be fine if WWE scripted good storylines around his contract, but they don't. As per usual, WWE hasn't taken proper advantage of this situation very often.

If they explained why - in storyline terms - Brock Lesnar has such a favourable contract, that would be one thing. Instead, they just make all authority figure look weak and stupid because they can't tell Lesnar what to do while they can seemingly tell everyone else exactly what to do. Kurt Angle had to demand that Lesnar show up on TV because he hadn't done so in three months. That's ridiculous, if Kurt Angle has authority on Raw, why did he wait three months to ask Lesnar to show up? And why does it matter if he didn't want to show up?

WWE stripped Braun Strowman of the tag titles after his little kid partner couldn't wrestle. It didn't matter that Strowman didn't want to give up the titles, he had to listen to Kurt Angle's decision. But Lesnar seemingly doesn't. And they've never explained why not. They've hinted maybe that Heyman did a good job negotiating his contract or that he's such a huge star that he was able to get a special contract but, again, that undermines everyone else. It says that everyone else is bad at negotiating and that no one else is as big of a star as Lesnar.

Why couldn't someone like Kevin Owens sit at home until Angle did something about it? Why can't he pick his own opponents? Don't get me started on how the multi-man number one contender at Extreme Rules was cancelled because of a "contract dispute" with Lesnar. Why does Lesnar get to pick and choose his matches? Is it because everyone else is dumb and powerless? And is that the story WWE is trying to tell? That 99% of its roster sucks?

In Conclusion

Yes, this sounds like whiny complaints and, to an extent, that's true. WWE is more profitable than ever and they're getting paid approximately eighteen bajillion dollars to make Raw and SmackDown, so Lesnar clearly isn't killing the company. But he is killing my enjoyment of the product. And that matters to me. If Brock Lesnar leaves with the title at SummerSlam, that would be an extremely bad move.

If Lesnar Wins, We Riot.