WrestleMania 34 Preview & Predictions: Part Two
Oh God, WrestleMania is going to be long. So, so long. But we will endure. Remember, if we survive and watch the entire show, we get to see Roman look strong.
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Nia Jax
Jay: I wish I had some kind of snarky comment but I don't. These women deserve better than this garbage story, but I would like to see Nia with the belt.
JDP2: Alexa retains through cowardice.
Rick: I have a bad feeling about this match. Alexa has been playing the "evil bully who says horrible things" role and the only way to book this properly is to have her be beaten cleanly by Nia. I feel like heels are allowed to be terrible as long as they lose in the end and their actions are obviously portrayed as terrible.
That said, I think the other three major titles will all change hands at this show, so I can see WWE keeping the belt on Alexa here. And that would be a really bad decision.
This whole situation reminds me a bit of Triple H vs Booker T at WrestleMania XIX. Triple H was a horrible person who said horrible things. The only way to redeem that storyline would have been to have him lose cleanly to Booker T. Of course we know what happened.
Now that I've compared Alexa Bliss to "Reign of Terror" Triple H, I have to go cry for a while.
Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Asuka
Jay: BREAK THE STREAK. BREAK THE STREAK. BREAK THE STREAK.
JDP2: If Charlotte wins, we riot.
Rick: There's no way Charlotte wins. Not even WWE would book that.
WWE Championship
AJ Styles (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Jay: I cant wait for condescending tweets from hipster wrestling fans who knew these guys before their careers in WWE. Shut up. We know, you're a huge loser.
JDP2: I don't know who will win, but I do know this: we will get annoyed by the fans chanting "This is awesome" and "Fight forever" throughout the match.
Rick: Oh God the fans are the worst. There's going to be a "This is awesome" chant before the match even happens.
This match could be incredible, but it could also get "SmackDown Major Championshipship at WrestleMania" treatment, be buried halfway through the card, and only get like 15 minutes. From a brief look, it appears to me that the SmackDown world title has only closed WrestleMania twice (WrestleMania XXIV - Edge vs Undertaker, and WrestleMania XIX - Kurt Angle vs Brock Lesnar) so I don't expect WWE to give this match much. But Nakamura wins.
It DID look pretty cool...
WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns
Jay: GIRL BYE DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT. GOOD RIDDANCE. I love Roman and I am so happy for him. Cry, fanboys. Cry.
JDP2: I saw someone online suggest that Brock will sign his UFC contract mid-match, and then leave. I'm going with that scenario.
Rick: WWE has finally done it. They've made me want to see Roman win, but only because that means suplex-suplex-suplex-rest-suplex-suplex-suplex Brock will lose the title and maybe the Universal Champion will actually be in matches sometimes. So, congratulations WWE, you finally got what you've wanted since WrestleMania 31.
I hope Carmella cashes in and steals the title.
*DONG*
I! AM! AMERICAN BADASS!!!!!
Show closing BikerTaker/Cena segment to send the fans home "happy."
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