The Elephant in the Room

The "road to Wrestlemania" began this past Sunday. and I call it the worst sixty minutes of my life. (Just kidding. That's the Stanley Cup Final)

Overall, this was a pretty good event, right? I admit the title matches were nothing spectacular, and I didn't really pay attention to the Triple Threat match out of pure contempt of Brock Lesnar. I am actually overjoyed that Shinske Nakamura won the men's event, because this means something fresh, right? Out of the last four in the ring Sunday night he was one of two you wanted to be the last man standing instead of Reigns or Cena. I almost thought Balor was going to take it. I liked that we got Cien Almas and Adam Cole (baybay) as surprise contestants, and believe me I was ecstatic to see Rey Mysterio came down the ramp. 

Lets jump to the women's event, shall we? As much as Balor is my favorite wrestler, this was what I really wanted to see. I admire all of those women who were in the ring last night, and I even look up to a few of them who are legends and hall of famers. These women are so talented and worked so hard and Asuka deserved to be the last woman standing. But that's not why I'm writing this. We have to address the controversial elephant in the room. Ronda Rousey made her debut last night while Asuka was having her moment as the winner of the first ever All Women's Royal Rumble. I've seen so many mixed reactions on social media and I admit, I'm not excited about this one bit either. She's here to be the next Brock Lesnar. She's a superstar that is going to bring in viewers to the WWE without much work, or even showing up every Monday night. And is that fair? If she holds a championship, does any other woman in the division have a shot to get that title back, because there's no other title for the women to grab. A lot of people are upset with Ronda's comments about a transgender fighter, which I hope she changes her mind about that and betters herself as a person. Unfortunately because this is the WWE, we all know that Ronda is going to face Asuka and end her streak. A newcomer is going to come in and take this away because shes someone with a name outside of WWE, after they have built up Asuka to be this unbeatable wrestler. That's what I am angry about most. 

By the way, a women's elimination chamber? Sign. Me. Up.

Shameful 2018 Royal Rumble Predictions

Want to see something truly shameful? Check out our predictions from last year. I (Rick) picked The Undertaker to win the Rumble. I was very wrong.

**note from JDP** I picked Jericho. I don't know what I'm doing.

But it's Royal Rumble time and we're back again. This time we're breaking things up into three sections and we're each doing all of our picks in one section. It might be easier to read this way? I have no idea.

Onto the predictions!

@jayyyyynine

"Oh god its her again," you're probably thinking as you read this.

Aside from Rumble predictions, there's a few other matches going on. But I do love NXT and Saturday there's some fun stuff going on at Takeover!

Men's NXT Championship: This might change by the time the actual match rolls around if Velveteen Dream beats Johnny Gargano this week, but Johnny Wrestling is going to take on Almas for the men's title. I think Johnny has to come out on top right? This is a Cinderella story like Phil Kessel, but regardless I always enjoy Zelina Vega ringside because she is absolutely vicious. Goals, honestly.

Women's NXT Championship: Shayna Baszler vs Ember Moon. Two really incredibly talented women fighting for the title? Sign. Me. Up. As long as Ember retains.

Adam Cole vs Aleister Black: This is a feud I didn't know I needed in my life, but here we are. LIMITED RULES MATCH. Aleister is going from a "say my name" match to a "stop saying your own name" match. He is going to kick Adam Cole (baybay) so hard that even Kenny Omega and Matt Jackson cant find this ghost.

On to Sunday:

Triple Threat Match for the Universal Championship: The worlds worst employee faces off against a libertarian mayor and a literal monster. I hope Kane is only in this to take a pin- dont you have mayor stuff to do? Brock retains and we have six more weeks of winter.  

Raw Tag Team Championship: I am the Cesaro section. The Bar should come out on top.

Smackdown Tag Team Championship: Benjamin and Gable are weird heels and I don't like it. Usos retain.

AJ Styles vs Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn: This is a handicap match and I am so tired of this garbage with Shane trying to pin everyone against each other. Daniel Bryan is probably going to fight Shane McMahon. He better. I wanted that at Clash of Champions. Stop trying to make Kami happen, AJ.

Cruiserweight Championship: This went to hell quickly, didn't it? Keep that belt away from Gulak. IT IS CURSED.

Men's Royal Rumble Predictions:

First Elimination: Curt Hawkins. Doesn't he belong on the mat? 

Iron Man: Finn Balor (I'm not picking favorites, see!) 

Shortest Time: Xavier Woods

Who Eliminates the Most? Randy is going to RKO everyone and I'm going to be mad.

Surprise Entrants: I'm putting money on Dolph to show up. How funny would that be? Maybe Chris Jericho? He proved he can keep up with the younger guys at the Tokyo Dome. Maybe some Cruiserweights? Get Gulak in there! ADAM COLE BAYBAYYY!

Last Elimination: Shinske Nakamura.

Winner: Roman Reigns. I don't even get to express joy typing this because its only because everything goes to Roman. I'm biased for Roman and I don't like that hes going to win.
 (You can all @ me when he wins because you know I like him, or when he gets eliminated.)

Most Awkward Elimination: Big E. Hes gonna go down thrusting his hips.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Shinske. Hes small for his size but he is so talented!

Cheap Pop Entrant: Cena. 

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Tye Dillinger is gonna give us 10 chants.

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: This will involve pancakes somehow. Don't ask me, I just have a hunch.

Women's Royal Rumble:

If I have to listen to that ad one more time of Stephanie screeching like her father on TV, I will lose my shit. Make history? How about you make history by paying them as much as the male superstars? Equal promo time? Stories based around more than cattiness? No? Can they at least stop worshiping the ground Steph walks on?

Regardless, here are my picks: 

First Elimination: Alicia Fox is going to look at the competition and run away. 

Iron Woman: BECKY FREAKIN' LYNCH.

Shortest time: Liv Morgan

Who Eliminates the Most? Naomi

Surprise Entrants: The Bellas will probably be back. Probably Rhonda Rousey, which, no thanks. Get Nikki Cross in there! Iconic who? 

Last Elimination: Nia Jax

Winner: Asuka

Most Awkward Eimination: Carmella. Shes just really awkward.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Bayley. They never let Bayley have anything! Im mad about that.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Lana

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: I honestly have nothing for this. Nattie will probably get booed a lot?

Anyway, this weekend will be fun and I cant wait to watch. Besides, I can keep dreaming right? 

"Who do you want to win the Rumble, Jay?"

@JohnDosPassos2

I have no idea about any of the NXT stuff....sooooooooooo

Triple Threat Match for the Universal Championship: Fuck it: they are going to give it to Kane, aka Knoxville's Ron Swanson 

Raw Tag Team Championship: The "Bar" is too high. Get it? Hit that follow button folks. 

Smackdown Tag Team Championship: I like the Usos to retain here. 

AJ Styles vs Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn: The real purpose of this match is to set-up Bryan vs McMahon at Wrestlemania. I really don't care at this point. So the big winner in all of this is Shane. 

Cruiserweight Championship: *pending criminal background check*

Men's Royal Rumble:

First Elimination: Goldust

Iron Man: Finn Balor 

Shortest Time: Xavier Woods

Who Eliminates the Most? Finn Balor

Surprise Entrants: Somebody from the NWO is going to show up; Jericho? 

Last Elimination: Shinske Nakamura.

Winner: Fuck it's going to be Reigns. He'll enter at 30 and win and the crowd will lose its shit -- again. 

Most Awkward Elimination: Nakamura will have a really awkward bump

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Curt Hawkins 

Cheap Pop Entrant: The ECW alum who enters the Rumble (one of the Dudley Boys, Tommy Dreamer, or Rob Van Damn)

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Whichever wrestler wears a Patriots or Penguins jersey to the ring will be eliminated and the crowd will love it and break into a "We Want Brady" or a "Crosby Sucks" chant. I will not find either of these annoying. 

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: He will break his fall by jumping off a Tom Brady look-alike in the crowd.

Women's Royal Rumble

First Elimination: Beth Phoenix

Iron Woman: Becky Lynch or Nattie.

Shortest Time: See my surprise entrant list

Who Eliminates the Most? Asuka maybe?

Surprise Entrants: Since most people are calling for her to show up, I'm not sure Rousey will count as a surprise per se --- so I'm going to go with a guy like James Ellsworth or Santino dressed in drag who is immediately booted out of the Rumble. Also, Stephanie McMahon will inject herself into this.

Last Elimination: Asuka --- or Stephanie McMahon.

Winner: Ronda Rousey --- I hope I'm wrong

Most Awkward Elimination: Bayley?

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Going to agree with Jay and say Bayley. But I don't care for Bayley.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Trish Status?

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Let's Go Eagles will break out at some point. Again, it will not be annoying to me.

@Rick_City

I support NXT in the sense that I want the brand to do well, but not in the sense that I watch it with any sort of consistency. I have no predictions for those matches, but I do predict a minimum of 32 "THIS IS AWESOME" chants at the show because, to NXT crowds, everything is aweome.

Triple Threat Match for the Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar hits 13 suplexes, pins Kane, and then heads back to the woods for a while. Strowman should have won the title at No Mercy.

Raw Tag Team Championship: The Bar when Rollins and Jordan just can't get along.

Smackdown Tag Team Championship: Gable and Benjamin because, if the Usos win, who else is there to face? (Also, why didn't they give former Team Angle member Shelton Benjamin the "favoured by Kurt Angle" storyline and left Jordan and Gable together?)

AJ Styles vs Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn: What is even going on here? AJ wins because of Shane McMahon or some other appropriate nonsense.

Cruiserweight Championship: They should just set the title on fire at this point.

Men's Royal Rumble

First Elimination: "Woken" Matt Hardy

Iron Man: Roman Reigns

Shortest Time: Aiden English

Who Eliminates the Most? Roman Reigns

Surprise Entrants: Somebody from ECW. Let's go with Tommy Dreamer since the Dudleyz just showed up. And Booker T maybe? Kane?

Last Elimination: John Cena

Winner: Look, we know that Reigns versus Lesnar for the Universal Title is closing WrestleMania. But Reigns doesn't have to win the Rumble to get there. We all know WWE would love to book him to win as the crowd chants his name, but not even they're obtuse enough to think that having Reigns win will result in anything but anger and rage from the crowd, are they?

I actually kind of want to see Reigns win just to see the reaction from the crowd. I also kind of want to see John Cena win, because Cena versus Lesnar would be a big time match and the storyline of Cena going for his first Universal Title and record 17th title overall would be a good one, but I don't see that happening either.

So I'm going to go with Shinsuke Nakamura. Of course, if he wins, he'll be subjected to "SmackDown Royal Rumble Winner" treatment where he gets to be in the "main event" but his "main event" match either opens the show or is buried on the card and no one remembers it (see Orton in 2017, Sheamus in 2012, Alberto Del Rio in 2011, and Edge in 2010). So look for WWE Champion AJ Styles and Royal Rumble Winner Shinsuke Nakamura to open WrestleMania 34 in a six-minute match.

Most Awkward Elimination: Baron Corbin because it's really awkward when nobody cares.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Apollo Crews

Cheap Pop Entrant: Tommy Dreamer and John Cena

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Tye Dillinger was a good pick, Jay. I don't get why he's a thing. People just like chanting stuff, right?

Wacky Kofi Kingston Non-Elimination: SWERVE! He's eliminated easily with no fanfare by, I don't know, let's say Elias.

Women's Royal Rumble

First Elimination: Mickie James

Iron Woman: Sasha Banks

Shortest Time: Bayley

Who Eliminates the Most? Asuka

Surprise Entrants: Someone who was at RAW25 (Kelly Kelly or Michelle McCool or Torrie Wilson or someone else, but not Trish Stratus). I hope Ronda Rousey doesn't show up because actual women wrestlers deserve the spotlight in the first-ever Women's Royal Rumble.

Last Elimination: Nia Jax

Winner: It looks like Asuka will win. WWE is making it look like Asuka will win. Asuka never loses, so it makes sense to have her dominate this match and go on to murder Alexa Bliss at WrestleMania (I'm sorry Alexa!!!) But that almost makes too much sense, right? So it's gotta be someone else.

No, not even WWE could screw this up. Asuka wins. Then Stephanie McMahon raises her arm in victory because STEPHANIE CREATED ALL OF THIS AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT DAMMIT!!!

Most Awkward Elimination: Carmella because it will involve James Ellsworth somehow. He's still with the company, right? (Looks it up) No? Well, he'll be back for one night just to ruin this. It's his thing.

Competitor with the Least Chance of Winning: Both of you are right. It's sadly Bayley. I feel like she's going to be released soon.

Cheap Pop Entrant: Someone from ECW. Can Jazz still wrestle? I think she sued WWE, but maybe they'll let her back out on TV for one night.

Elimination That Makes the Crowd Do an Annoying Chant: Bayley.

While you're waiting for the Royal Rumble, why not ask "Where's Roman?" and then buy a shirt that is wondering the same?

Whenever Roman Reigns is not onscreen, all the other wrestlers should be asking 'Where's Roman?'” https://t.co/VQ5opI8zD0

— Wrestling Shame (@WrestlingShame) January 25, 2018

Why It's Hard to be a WWE Fan in 2018

I've been planning to write this one for a while (the original idea was called "Why it's hard to be a WWE fan in 2017") but today's announcement about the XFL inspired me to actually do it.

In Vince McMahon's new XFL, not much is known, except for the fact that players will all stand for the anthem, dammit!

Vince McMahon on his new football league requiring players to stand during the National Anthem: "It's a time honored tradition to stand."

— Dan Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 25, 2018

This is the kind of MAGA nonsense that will make Trumpers cheer and this sort of attitude from McMahon is the reason why it's hard to be a WWE fan in 2018. (If you support Donald Trump, you're probably better off leaving now because you're not going to like this post, or this blog really.)

Donald Trump is in the WWE Hall of Fame and , while WWE tries to stay out of politics these days (because they're a public company now, I guess), Linda McMahon is the Administrator of the Small Business Administration and was appointed to that role by Donald Trump. Don't forget this picture.

But just knowing and working with Donald Trump isn't why it's hard to support WWE these days. (Though I totally expected a big "GOD BLESS AMERICA" and entire roster standing for the national anthem on an episode of Raw back when Trump was blasting NFL players for kneeling.) No, the problem isn't that Vince McMahon associates with Trump, it's that he shares a lot of Trump's values.

The WWE may try to be "family friendly" these days, but we all know what their DNA is. This is a company where still, in 2018, almost every foreigner or wrestler with darker than white skin is a heel. It's one where black wrestlers almost exclusively tag with other black wrestlers (I truly believe Vince McMahon thinks all black people are friends and that's why he always tags them together.) This is where the gimmicks available to these black wrestlers ranges from "thug" to "guy who dances."

Look at WWE's history of non-white wrestlers. Outside of The Rock, who is a generational talent, how many have been treated seriously? And how many have had something other than a stereotype as a gimmick? And this isn't just about race. Today's WWE is the same WWE that partnered with GLAAD to get publicity for Billy and Chuck's wedding only to swerve everyone and upset GLAAD in the process. WWE doesn't care about social values or progress. It cares about making money.

The problem is and always has been Vince McMahon. This is the guy who only cares about wrestler safety once a whole bunch of wrestlers die. He pushed it for as long as it could go, and created an environment of unsafe working conditions and testosterone that caused wrestlers (most of whom don't get benefits or vacations) to push and abuse their bodies all in the name of profit. If you were hurt and wanted time off, you were either let go from the company (until WCW hiring ex-WWE guys made this a tough thing for him to do) or demoted down the card. The result is that way too many wrestlers got addicted to drugs and way too many died. The result is Chris Benoit.

WWE's history is Vince McMahon's history and Vince McMahon's history is not good. For a recent example, consider CM Punk's situation.

Notice how WWE didn't show much footage of its female competitors on RAW 25? That's because we all know what the "Divas" division used to be like before. Now, kudos to WWE for recognizing what year it is and actually allowing women to have competitive match-ups, but that's a Stephanie and Triple H thing, not a Vince McMahon thing. Apparently, Vince "is said to be unmoved by what’s happening in NXT, and he isn’t interested in making any major changes to the main roster women’s division." Apparently his history with women's wrestling has shown him that women's wrestling isn't a draw. WWE has given women more of the spotlight recently and even had them main event shows, but I can't help but think that this is more of an "Look, we're not sexist, look!" than a genuine attempt, but I'd love to be wrong.

Of course, Vince McMahon's history as a promoter also shows him that it's a good idea to have Muhammad Hassan turn from an Arab-American (actually an Italian-American) who is upset with how people like him were being portrayed in the media post-911, into an anti-American heel who called a group of masked men wearing camo pants out to the ring to choke the Undertaker with piano wire. Why did the guy who was upset with unfair media coverage have to be a heel? And why did he have to call out masked men in camo pants to attack his rivals? On that note, why did Scott Steiner and Chris Nowinski "debate" the war in Iraq on Raw in 2003 with the reasonable, educated views of Nowinski making him the heel while the "Big Poppa Pump" babbled out his usual nonsense and was therefore the face?

Bottom line, in WWE, foreigners, people with dark skin, people who don't fit into the stereotypical view of "masculinity," and people who have nuanced views are automatically the heels. Who else does that sound like the opinion of? Hint: He's the President of the United States.

And that's why it's tough to watch WWE in 2018. Because, even though the explicit sexism and racism are mostly gone from the on-screen program, the same feelings run through the show. Chant USA, boo the guy from the other country, and hope someone gets hurt real bad.

It seems strange to criticize a pro-violence mentality when you're watching professional wrestling, but a company that is based on fake violence doesn't have to be as cutthroat and brutal as it is. You can have wrestlers pretend to fight and get hurt in front of the crowd without treating them like circus performers in reality.

The #MeToo movement has brought to light serious sexual assault and misconduct allegations among several powerful people in politics and Hollywood. Now, I'm not going to give any specifics, and I have no proof that anything has happened, but I have certainly heard many rumours about absolutely awful things happening backstage at WWE events and how women (and many men) have been treated by those in power at WWE. I'm honestly shocked that nothing concrete has come out recently.

WWE is a company of hypocrites. It preaches "Be A Star" and anti-bullying, while continuing to employ and put the spotlight on someone like JBL who Sports Illustrated states "has been accused for years of being a locker room bully", while Deadspin adds that "backstage tales of Layfield's hazing and bullying have long been legend among hardcore wrestling fans."

Remember when Mauro Ranello took a leave of absence from WWE at least in part due to how JBL treated him? JBL has Vince McMahon's mentality and that mentality is wrong.

WWE has a history of being hypocritical as well. Remember those "Don't Do Drugs" ads in the 80s while Vince McMahon was charged by the U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of New York for routinely obtaining anabolic steroids for his wrestlers?

Now, you might be thinking "Sure, but a lot of this stuff happened ten, twenty, or thirty years ago and don't all large companies have their share of scandals?" That's partially true, but the attitude and mentality that plagued WWF/E in the 80s and 90s is still there. Most of the same people are still in charge, specifically Vince McMahon.

Professional wrestling is a shitty and shady industry and Vince McMahon is its king. We could all overlook this stuff many years ago because society was different, but in today's society, with modern values, there are too many bad things about WWE to ignore.

In summary, sorry for the very long post. Now I'm going to give Vince McMahon money this weekend because I want to watch the Royal Rumble and I hate myself for it.

The Top Ten Monday Night Raw Moments of the Last Ten Years

Most of the greatest and most memorable moments in Monday Night Raw history came during the Attitude Era: Austin driving a Zamboni, Austin driving a beer truck, Chris Jericho's debut, DX invading WCW, etc.

However, as we wait for Raw's 25th anniversary tonight, we're going to take a look at ten more recent moments that were also pretty great.

Here are the top ten Monday Night Raw moments of the last ten years. (We're talking about January 2008 - January 2018, by the way - and this is in no particular order)

The Shield Breaks Up - June 2, 2014

A genuine shocking moment that created the next several years of main event storyline for WWE.

The Shield Reunites - October 9, 2017

Thought not shocking, it was certainly a big moment.

Daniel Bryan Turns on Bray Wyatt - January 13, 2014

This just beats out the "fans" invading the ring as part of the "Yes Movement" because it felt more organic and "real."

The Nexus Debut - June 7, 2010

A definite shock and one that was unlike anything in recent WWE history. Of course, WWE wasted this angle.

CM Punk's "Pipe Bomb" - June 27, 2011

The moment that brought a lot of fans back to WWE. Of course, WWE wasted this angle too.

Bret Hart Returns and Confronts Shawn Michaels - January 4, 2010

This is just a landmark moment in WWE and wrestling history.

CM Punk versus John Cena - February 25, 2013

One of the best Raw matches in a long time and one of WWE's best feuds in recent memory. John Cena and CM Punk brought the best out of each other. This match could have and should have headlined a WrestleMania.

Brock Lesnar's Return - April 2, 2012

Most people knew it was coming, but Lesnar returning was a big deal for WWE. Thiswas before he was the "suplex, suplex, suplex, F5, leave for six months" Lesnar that we're all tired of and it was exciting to see him back.

Dolph Ziggler Cashes In - April 8, 2013

A genuine delight for the crowd.

The Rock Returns - February 14, 2011

As far as I know, this was a true surprise. I don't remember having it spoiled before the show and it was a massive moment.

What are your top moments? What did we miss? Let us know in the comments on on Twitter.

Wrestling Shame's First "Poetry Slam"

If you think about it, the promo is professional wrestling's poetry. Like literal poetry! A wrestler has to be able to move an audience to either support their character's rationale through words or convince fans that.....

Sigh, okay, I'm not going to reason through this too much. Rick and I were joking around today, and the idea of poetry / wrestling being combined sounded funny to us. So given that I'm trying to relax after a stressful few weeks professionally -- and that I don't start teaching again until next week -- I decided to give you some wrestler promos as written by famous poets.

I still could probably do another ten of these. Sometimes having a PhD in English is a bad thing.

Listen my Hulksters and you'll shall hear
The story of the battle against Andre
At Wrestlemaia, oh so near
I know he'll be ruing the day
That he ripped my crucifix away
At the Silverdome, let me tell ya
I'm goin' to slam that Giant fella
Prayers and vitamins for all
Bobby and Andre, just one fall
Brother, you know it's true
Hulkmania's going run wild on you

"The Hulkster's Tale" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


A strong-style wrestler
To the main roster I went
Splash, silence, again

"Nakamura" by Matsuo Basho 


I caught a battle which made a taste
Of the ringing quell
It is easy to pursue
What they do not want
They are not able to seperate
The ringing of the battle
Tell me Warriors
Does the battle time ring neigh?
Can the Warriors hear
What the bell is ringing?
A war is a war is a war
Hulk Hogan
The fates of war will come down on you
And the bells toll for you

-Ultimate Warrior promo written by Gertrude Stein


The Game and his Lady quarreled -- why,
Not many of the fans could divineuhhh
Though several hundred bloggers chose to try
Twas no concern or theirs nor mineeeuhhh
I loathe the fans, I do what's best for business
But there's so much in which I shine
Like putting over my pals in the clique
My next championship run with make you sick.

-HHH by Lord Byron



A wrestler came to the ring
Step by step
Paws
Silence he stood
Suffering Succotash
Remorse for all

-Untitled Roman Reigns promo, written by William Carlos Williams (anonymously) 


infinite hayight
beaaaard i
        look
        down
grunting
screem
        inggggg
squat now
tiiiiiiiiip
a
  m
    b
     u
       l
        a
         n
          c
           e
Roarrrrrrrrrrrrr

-"I" from Seven Braun Strowman Promos by e.e. cummings 


Let me tell ya there's a limo of ladies
Who just want to please the ol' Nature Boy
Now before the Horsemen send you to Hades
And fine girls of Greensboro get the toy
Just take a look at my designer shoes
And feast your eye on my new gold Rolex
They do cost more than your plumber's son's hous'
And this fine fine suit, how I want to flex
So so Dusty Rhodes, now this ain't no news
You had better contact that loser Faust
The only way you'll win the belt anew
Is if the devil comes to take my WOOOOOO

-Sonnet 256 for Sir Ric Flair by the William "Stylin' and Profilin'" Shakespeare 

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom Preview

This Thursday morning at 1am, Central time, New Japan Pro Wrestling will present Wrestle Kingdom 12 from the Tokyo Dome -- if you're the President of the United States, I'll take a moment and tell you that Tokyo is the largest city and capital of Japan. And Japan is one of our allies in the Pacific Rim, and one of the economic powers of the world.

Anyway, people are stoked for this year's card for a lot of reasons, and Rick asked me to write-up a short preview for it. Normally I would go into a LOT more detail here, but I have a lot of stuff to prep for this week, so you're getting the Cliff's Notes version here.

New Japan Rumble: If you've never seen the NJR before, it's different from the Royal Rumble in a few ways: participants can be eliminated via pinfall, submission, or getting thrown over the top rope, and I don't think NJPW tries to troll its fans with Roman Reigns entering every six minutes. NJPW doesn't release who is participating in the event, but it's usually a space for older wrestlers to make a quick appearance. My money is on Mr. Sparkle to finally win it this year.

IWGP Jr Tag Team Championship: Roppogni 3K (c) vs The Young Bucks: The descendants of Roppogni Vice, Roppogni 3K have held the titles since October, and seem to be ideal opponents for the Young Bucks who are the most prominent tag team in the world right now (including the WWE). This will be a wild match (I really enjoyed the Young Bucks' work at the last Wrestle Kingdom), and I expect the Young Bucks to win back the titles here by super-kicking Sho Tanaka through a stack of cease-and-desist orders from WWE lawyers.

Cody Rhodes vs Kota Ibushi: Rhodes has been fantastic since leaving the WWE, a path that over wrestlers should follow (cough, Ceasro, cough). But Ibushi's been great too, and I think if any wrestler could deal with a loss right now on the big stage, it's Rhodes. In the non-WWE world, wins and losses do matter.

IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship (4-Way Match) -- Marty Scurll (c) vs. Will Ospreay vs. KUSHIDA vs. Hiromu Takahashi: God, this match is going to be crazy. My gut says Scurll retains here, but ---- no, he retains.

NEVER Openweight Championship (Hair vs. Hair Match) -- Minoru Suzuki (c) vs. Hirooki Goto: One of the things I genuinely miss about matches from the regional-era (NWA, Mid-South, etc) is the element of stipulations. Not only are both wrestlers forbidden from having anyone at ringside, but the loser gets his trademark hair stripped away. I'm really looking forward to this match, and I think Goto wins against the legendary Suzuki.

Killer Elite Squad (Davey Boy Smith Jr. and Lance Archer) (c) vs Los Ingobernable de Japon (Evil and Sanada): Yes, that Lance Archer and that Davey Boy Smith Jr. They are going to lose to Evil and Sanada. As they should. They know why.

IWGP Intercontinental Championship: Switchbade (Jay White) vs Hiroshi Tanahashi (c): White's been given a big push in the last bit of time, and I think the company is really confident in his potential as a heel. Tanahashi -- the man of New Japan for years -- seems to be set-up to do the job for White here. But I could see this as the surprise of the night. Tanahashi retains in a shocker.

IWGP US Heavyweight Championship (No DQ): Chris Jericho vs Kenny Omega (c): Okay, raise your hand if six months ago you saw this happening. *Scans room* PUT YOUR HAND DOWN RON!! Look, people are freaking out -- and rightly so -- about this match: Omega might be the best wrestler on the planet right now, and Jericho is legitimately one of the best characters in the business. So -- who wins? I think Jericho does --- and I base this only on the sense he'll be part of New Japan's big American push in the next few months. Plus, how could you not have a second match between these two??

IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Tetsuya Naito vs Kazuchika Okada: One of my favorite current wrestlers right now is Naito, who might be the best heel-face in the world right now. His story -- of being exiled to CMLL after an ineffective babyface run, returning to NJPW as a heel, and being embraced by the fans -- is wonderful, but I don't see New Japan putting the belt on him. Okada's too strong right now. He would be me if he worked for WrestlingShame.

So those are my picks!! If I'm up at 1am on Thursday morning, I'll be covering it for us!!